Saturn's Karmic Finger #2 – Resisting Reality

I’m revamping the Saturday Bird. “Saturn’s Karmic Finger” has more of an edge to it. Plus, I didn’t like encroaching so closely upon Havi’s Friday Chicken Check-in. But I still reserve the right to flip off the previous week.

So why Saturn’s Karmic Finger?

Once I tell you how I arrived at the name, it will make perfect sense. Trust me.

The short version is that my husband saw my post called “Saturday Bird” and didn’t much care for it. So he started doing some research about my beloved gesture. Get ready for a little word association, kids.

In palmistry, the middle finger is the Saturn finger. This fits very nicely with the fact that Saturday (Saturn’s Day) is my chosen day for writing these updates. The Saturn finger is also the finger of karma, which is really all about our life lessons.

And life is just chock-full of lessons for all of us, isn’t it?

But, have no fear – there will be no sanctimonious preaching or trite takeaways.

With a series named after an obscene gesture, you didn’t really think that’s what you were going to get, right?

Off we go!

This week, I felt empty, disconnected, and fairly overwhelmed.

Work was work – busy, priorities shifting at the drop of a hat, being subjected to project stakeholders who ask me to do things that make no sense.

And then I would come home and try to do some of the things *I* wanted to do, but I was spent.

There was so much that I wanted to do but I just didn’t have the time or energy to do them.

Well, this week it was mostly about the energy (or lack thereof).

But I tried to do them all, anyway. Which meant that I really did *none* of them.

Even when I was trying to hang out at the Kitchen Table and be supportive and all that, most of the week I just felt like I was empty and had nothing to say.

There are some implied shoulds in there. (Oh good, another pattern.)

Toward the end of the week, I finally stopped hovering near the computer, but it was not easy. Now that I’ve discovered so much good stuff to read and discuss out there, it’s that much harder to let it go on without me.

Pattern alert!

After some stellar advice received from Shannon at the Kitchen Table about how to avoid feeling overwhelmed in the forums, it occurred to me that there is a pattern there.

When I have too many things I want (or need) to do, and not enough time to do them, instead of stopping and taking a breath and asking myself what I want (or need), I just dig in and start trying to do it all, willy nilly style.

Not so efficient.

Oh, and in the course of writing this post, I’m seeing another pattern of feeling like the internet is moving on without me if I don’t read all my favorite blogs every day.

Kind of like when friends throw a party without you because you were at the library trying to write your paper that was due on Monday, so you didn’t know and missed the whole thing.

I’ve got some investigating to do.

More detoxification!

Yes, some of my culinary loves are still verboten, but I decided to kick it up a notch.

Because I thought it would be a good idea to make eating even harder for myself.

Actually, it’s because I’ve been so damn tired, and it’s been three years since I’ve done a real detox. And once I get through the initial blech of it, it feels pretty damn good.

This time around, though, it seems that the detox symptoms are manifesting more on an emotional level than on a physical one. My poor husband.

I don’t remember that happening last time. Not really sure what else to say about that (except maybe, “Watch out”).

Moving on.

On the plus side…

Hmmm. I’m kind of having to dig for this. I mean, things really weren’t that bad this week, but they weren’t glorrrrious either. On a scale of 1 to 10, I give this week a Meh+.

I love you, Kitchen Table!

Lots of incredible support and openness there. I’m totally excited to be meeting all these amazing people.

I can’t believe I almost forgot:

I didn’t have to go to PT!

I made it an entire week without seeing my Physical Therapist, Carol. I think she is a genius, because out of everyone I’ve seen for my back pain (more people than I can count on one hand), she’s the only one who figured out that what works for 95% of the people does not work for me.  She’s got mad craniosacral skillz, to boot.

After needing to go see somebody at least once a week since Xmas ‘07, this is amazing stuff, people. And this is after spending even more time in front of the computer than I used to.

*happy dance*

Here comes the Sunday

A bit of a cheat, because technically, tomorrow is part of next week, not this week. But I am psyched to have a Kitchen Table call about how to write an About page. I’ve wanted to re-do mine since the day I went live with this blog, but every attempt I’ve made goes into either a snoozeville play-by-play biography, or it winds up just like it is now.

So be on the lookout for a new and improved About page soon.

Oh, and it’s a three-day weekend! Yay!