Time for another at-irregular-intervals update on what’s been happening since I quit my job.
On this last day of 2009, this post is mostly an update since last time, with a smidge of reflection and looking ahead thrown in.
Also, holy crap! I’ve gone and surpassed two months as a full-time entrepreneur.
There is more of it happening.
Lots of fatigue. It could be holiday-related, and it could be the fact that it’s winter.
I’m working on it, but it’s not easy to do the things my body needs (like exercise) when I’m so tired.
Update on the Fun situation
I did manage to get my knitting out – that scarf that I started *cough* five years ago. And it only took me about 20 minutes to relearn the knit stitch.
I’ve knitted a few times since then, but there’s also been quite a few evenings where I intended to knit but then didn’t. Here’s how it usually goes:
Oh! I have two hours to knit, so I’ll just hang out on Twitter a while longer.[90 minutes later…]
Poo! I only have 30 minutes for knitting. That’s not enough time to really get into it, so I may as well keep hanging out on Twitter.
Yes, I know that’s silly. And yes, sometimes I do use “poo” as an expletive.
Still looking for other avenues for having fun, but haven’t made progress.
Time management stuff
The idea of the technique is to work for 25 minutes (a pomodoro) and then stop and take a short break. And after every fourth pomodoro, take a longer break. If I managed to start a pomodoro (a feat in itself), I wouldn’t stop when the time was up to take my prescribed break. Plus, I’m not 100% sure the “inventory” list and the “today” list of tasks works for me. I was okay at adding tasks to the inventory, but not so good at copying them over to the list of stuff to work on that day.
If you get rid of the pomodoros and use only the inventory list of tasks, it actually starts to look similar to the Autofocus system, but I haven’t followed through with properly trying that one, either.
I’m just letting it be, for now, because I’m starting to understand (finally!) that the nature of the work I do now is different from what I used to do. So no wonder I’m having some trouble getting my bearings.
Hard stuff, in general
I’ve been having waves of stuckness and overwhelm and self-doubt come up. Not that that’s really anything new, but it’s more noticeable when it means no work gets done.
And it triggers a little pattern I have that I call the Waiting.
Waiting for something to happen when there are things I could be doing. Approaching everything passively or reactively. Obsessively checking email and Twitter and my site stats.
Intellectually, I know I’m helping people. And inspiring them, even, just by sharing my own process. Yet I’ve spent much of the last few weeks convinced I’m not doing anything worthwhile.
And getting downright mopey about it, and wishing someone would fix it for me.
It will pass. Writing about it here has already helped. Again, it could be residual holiday ick, or winter ick. And ick associated with year-end wrap-ups is most certainly a contributing factor.
On the bright side…
Okay, so this update seems a little negative. It’s been a challenging couple of weeks, but I mostly feel good about it.
So what’s on tap for 2010?
I already did most of my 2009 reflecting in my blog-iversary post, so there’s not much to add to that. But this whole planning, resolving, theme-ing for the coming year pushes my buttons. As I indicated last year.
Maybe it’s a commitment thing. But I think some of it comes down to feeling like I can’t possibly decide it so far in advance. And for me, not deciding in advance would mean choosing my theme in June. Or October.
Hmmm…so maybe it’s kind of a perfectionism thing – not wanting to get it wrong? Clearly, I’ll need to ponder that some more.
Here’s what I do know about 2010:
A theme or word, if I had to choose one, would be self-trust. Really learning to trust my own judgment and intuition as I navigate growing my business.
I’m also working toward creating some group classes and I’ve started work on an ebook. All of that takes time – a lot more time than I anticipated, so I’m also working on scheduling time to do that work. Which, as you’ve probably guessed by now, will be a bit of a challenge for me.
Has the reality of this change set in, yet?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being “fully aware of this new reality,” I’d have to give the last couple weeks a 4.5 (no real change from last time).
The whole job thing feels more distant to me, but I’m very aware that a lot of what I do for “work” doesn’t directly result in income.
Before, I would show up to the job, put in my eight hours and at the end of two weeks I’d get paid. I miss the concreteness of “If I do x, I will absolutely, positively get y.”
I could do with a bit more visible progress, and some income, but I wouldn’t un-make my choice for the world.