Sometimes I feel bad that I hold him back when he wants to rush like that since I just can’t take that kind of goal seriously for some reason. But maybe the other perspective helps each of us and gives us balance.

That being said I am still with you guys on starting something like Yoga and thinking….hmmmm… maybe someday I could teach this and open my own studio and… and….

I go about things without judgement a bit more these days. Of course, I will always judge; however, when I laugh it off, it no longer has its claws on me.

Happy I came by today.
Lydia, Clueless Crafter´s last blog ..Knit Wit

Oh my goodness, I can totally relate! I used to have a craft hobby that I approached this way. Plus, I used to put a lot of pressure on myself when I was writing to make everything I wrote “sellable.” It really took a toll on my ability to enjoy the writing process.

Now I’m working on relaxing and enjoying the flow of the process. The whole “results-oriented” thing is a hard habit to break, but as Dawn said, “slowly, sloooowly..”
Michelle´s last blog ..Why is this Writing Stuff so Important, Anyway?

And I hear you on the “sloooowly” because it’s been really slow for me, too. Hard to imagine that it will ever be 100% unraveled, but all I can do is keep bringing awareness to it and see where that leads.

Thanks, again, for sharing. =)

@Katherine – Glad to hear you can relate! That is one of the things I like about Dance of Shiva is that it really does absorb 100% of my attention if I challenge myself. But I guess it’s debatable whether or not that can be called “fun.” :)

@Patty K – Oh my goodness I have totally done the same thing – considered doing something that’s just for fun and then given up on it before I even start because just by looking at it it becomes something else. (Whoa, did I just make a Schroedinger’s Cat reference?)

@CathyD – “Who made these rules and why am I still living by them?” Yes! I think that as we get older, we become more aware of this, and then the process of “shedding” our willingness to live by them begins. I’ve definitely noticed that as I’ve worked on accepting my need for solitude (for example), it’s gotten easier, and I no longer feel as guilty for building my life in ways that supports that trait.

@kate – Funny that you mentioned reading Chick Lit and then “fighting the guilties” (love that) for not doing something purposeful! I think I read only non-fiction books for at least 15 years (if not 20) for that very reason. My first one was a semi-trashy detective novel, which I only gave myself permission to read because I had 4 hours to kill on a plane. I’d say two years is long enough – you are overdue for some guilty pleasure!

@Alicia – “Productivity equals tacit permission. Because I’m working, not playing. (Because playing is *selfish.*)” Ooh…yes, you just hit on something I deal with, too. And it runs deep. Thank you for sharing that here. But, if it helps, you have my full permission to let that stuck be, and not add it to a list of “stucks to be worked on” or anything. We can just pretend we didn’t have this conversation. *whistles*

Especially #2: I think that for me I have to *justify* doing things I enjoy that take away time or attention from the other people in my life. Like, if I were to spend hours a day noodling in my recording studio for fun (grinning like a very happy person, like I do) while my husband wrangled children, that would not be OK. But since it’s for my business, it’s OK.

Productivity equals tacit permission. Because I’m working, not playing. (Because playing is *selfish.*)

Eeek, writing that out makes me very uncomfortable – like I needed more stuck to work on :)

Thanks!

i finally stopped and asked myself – does ‘creating to produce’ and ‘constant improvement’ make me happy? is that where the joy comes from in doing these things? and basically the answer is YES! (most of the time). that said, i found that just sitting and watching tv or listening to a pod cast makes me very antsy – i can’t just sit and pay attention, my mind wonders too much! (unless totally drained, etc.) so for me, crocheting is just enough when my brain can no longer function and i want to do something rythmic and relaxing while watching tv or listening to music or whatever.

the only thing i have found that i can successfully singletask and it does not leave me drained or turn into a ‘production’ is: Reading a book

And really, for relaxing the best are whatever Chick Lit is out there at the moment. Then i just fight the guilties for not doing something that is good for me or purposeful or improving my mind etc. Then i tell my brain to ‘shut it!’ and i read and wake up on the other side of the imagination dream refreshed and with renewed perspective. this does not happen nearly enough. but thanks for making me think! you have just managed to remind me that i need to do this. I havent ready a guilty pleasure book in over 2 years. (!!!!)

I do that with running. I cannot abide the idea of, say, running without my stopwatch to clock my exact time to the fraction of a second and to see if I beat yesterday’s time. (So, naturally, i have to go the same route everyday so I can judge my progress.)

But for other stuff like needlepoint, I have a much more laissez-faire, “let it flow” attitude. While it is satisfying to complete a kit, for example, I can easily lose myself in the process of doing it. I can watch TV while stitching or not — different experience for both.

I also agree with Gina’s comment. Being productive and results-oriented is drummed into our heads from childhood on, especially once we get into school. Our culture looks askance at daydreaming, imagination, “process”, that “flow” feeling you might have had fingerpainting as a 4 year old… that any of us can manage to get ourselves back into that create-for-the-joy-of-it state at all is pretty darned impressive! :D (And for all we — as a culture — trumpet individuality, we really value conformity. IMHO.)

So, in my own life as the age 50 milestone looms ahead, I’m finally figuring out that I’m tired of feeling guilty and/or bad about who I am and the way I operate at work and home. I’m the Queen of Beating Myself Up for Who I Am. I am all for self-improvement but am finally learning the value of self-acceptance.

Why is being outgoing, for example, “better” than being introverted? Why is being imaginative “worse” than being practical? Why am I kicking myself for not molding myself into a cookie cutter shape? Who made these rules and why am I still living by them?