Some of you may be aware that I am getting ready to make some major changes to my website.
I’m a coach, and it’s time for my website to let people know that.
The copy is ready to go, and I was almost at the point of deeming the new design “done”. I use the term design loosely, because I did it myself, and I haven’t quite mastered the process of transferring the beautiful ideas that are in my head into a WordPress theme.
Suddenly I realized, though, that I’ve been tweaking and obsessing about the website for over two weeks now. And still not happy with it, in spite of the fact that I had shown multiple people and all of them had really positive things to say about what I’d put together.
I was stuck in a catch-22 of wanting to update my website before launching the new copy, but being incapable of getting the website to look “good enough”.
With the help of some friends, I was able to see (finally!) that I was entering freak-out mode and no amount of asking myself, “But what should I doooooo?” over and over was going to get me an answer.
I was too wrapped up in it.
I was imposing outside limitations on the whole thing.
I have to do it this way.
I have to launch by this date.
If I don’t launch soon, I am a failure.
At that point, there was surely no harm in stepping away from it, because not-stepping-away from it wasn’t getting me anywhere.
Stepping away to find some clarityAfter much Dance of Shiva and meditation, it became clear that this had nothing to do with how my website looked.
This was classic biggification stuckness.
As in, ohmygod people will see me and they will know that I am a coach. I don’t want to be seen.
And that fear of being seen had become so big that I had almost completely lost touch with the fact that I do want to launch my website.
Getting supportI needed support, so I started the process by giving support to myself.
By releasing myself from my expectations around having a kick-ass website to start.
And letting go of any self-imposed deadlines for when I must go live.
I also decided to work on it with Hiro Boga.
Enter the Me’sI learned about two of my Me’s. You know, the parts of me that make up my total Me. Or something like that.
One of them I’ve named Hedgehog Girl. For the other, I haven’t found the perfect name yet, but for now we’ll call her Dancing Girl.
And very protective of herself (and me).
And when she doesn’t like what’s happening around her, she curls into a ball like a hedgehog and won’t budge.
Also small. (Not sure why a lot of my Me’s seem to be children…maybe it’s related to this comment on Communicatrix’s website?)
Utterly oblivious to any possibility that something could go wrong.
Loves to dance and run around. (You know the kind of dance I’m talking about – one that looks crazy, but makes you want to join in, if only you could just stop worrying about what other people think.)
Loves to be seen.
But she had been banished to a corner.
When Me’s don’t play niceEven though I’ve got Dancing Girl, who is completely excited to launch and can’t wait for everyone to see the new website, she was in a corner.
Her being in the corner, to some degree, was the result of Hedgehog Girl, who was not at all happy about the idea of doing much of anything in public.
So I asked her, “What are you afraid of?”
Her answer was, “Change.” And a list of What Ifs.
What Hedgehog Girl needed was reassurance. And to know that she would be protected.
Answering the What IfsDuring my session with Hiro, I explained to Hedgehog Girl that even though launching and being visible is hard and uncomfortable, it’s even more uncomfortable for me to stay blocked and not launch.
And we set up a place for us to go if things got too scary.
Because, at the core of it, she needed to know that if moving forward gets too painful, we wouldn’t have to continue on. She needed to know that there would be an escape hatch if she needed it.
But what if I don’t have a Hedgehog Girl?It doesn’t matter if you have a Hedgehog Girl or an Ostrich Boy or maybe you don’t even subscribe to the idea of having multiple Me’s…er…You’s and that you can talk to them.
When there is something we want to do, but we’re afraid and we resist and get stuck, underneath it all there are unmet needs.
Some part of us takes up the role of Protector, and puts up a block until those needs are met.
The fear or block doesn’t define us. We are not it and it isn’t us.
The block is simply some need that hasn’t been addressed. It’s a question – often starting with “what if” – that needs an answer.
What if it’s too hard?
What if nobody shows up?
What if too many people show up?
What if it’s not like I thought it would be?
But we can acknowledge the fear, and ask ourselves what the true need is.
And when we listen for the need, we can work toward meeting it.
Sweetie, if it’s too hard, we can do something else instead.
If it’s not what we thought, we can make a new plan.
We won’t be locked in to any of it.
Now, my friends, it’s time for me to go finish getting ready to launch a website.
Dancing Girl can’t wait for you to see it. Hedgehog Girl is taking things a bit more cautiously, but at least she’s willing to come along for the ride now.