Talking to some friends yesterday, I revealed that I was still having a Very Hard Time.
Yes, there’s still left over stuff from my previous bout of Oof.
But there’s also new stuff. Over the last week or so, I’ve felt a growing sense of Urgency.
Well, I’m sure it’s been there longer than that, but as of the last week, it’s started creeping in to how I talk about my business.
As in, “I hope I can pull this off,” or, “I hoped things would have gotten rolling a bit more by now.”
I even uttered, “Well, I’d decided it was time to give it a shot,” about quitting my job.
Oh dear lord. I’m talking as though I’ve already given up. Or as though I’m trying to defend or rationalize the choices I made.
And on more than one occasion I really have entertained the thought that quitting my job was a mistake.
The point is, when you’re feeling a sense of urgency, it’s kind of hard to hear much of anything else. Which is unfortunate, because I really need to be hearing from my heart and my business right about now.
Today I had the first of what will probably be many conversations with the Urgency. It’s quite worried, and seems to believe homelessness and divorce are in my future if I don’t change course. No wonder it’s screaming in my ear all the time.
That’s the other thing about urgency – it doesn’t listen to reason very well. It doesn’t seem to care that it would take some serious financial setbacks to cause homelessness anytime soon. It only knows how much less per month I’m bringing in compared to my old job.
I’m really hoping that we can find a new way to work together. Ideally before I wind up taking drastic measures.
Either way, I’m ready to get to the other side of this. So I’m making a declaration:
Henceforth (or until I change my mind), the First Law of Shmorianism* states that the things that suck the most are the most likely to help you make money once you’ve gotten through them.
I’m not exactly sure what Shmorianism is (although I know how it looks in the context of planning a project).
And I can’t say with 100% certainty that this Law is True-with-a-capital-T.
But dammit, I’m choosing to believe it right now, because after more than a month and a half of being in the shit, if I can’t at least have faith that it will lead to good things, what the hell is the point?
* If you’re wondering where Shmorianism comes from, it’s a reference to my Twitter handle: victoriashmoria.
Today’s comment zen:
I’m sharing this in the spirit of transparency. To show that starting a business is not all rainbows and unicorns, but also that it’s possible to approach the difficulties mindfully, with compassion and curiosity.
I’d love to hear if you can relate. But once again, commenting with advice will earn you a kick in the shins. This is an advice-free zone.