In honor of my upcoming class about decision-making, I’m sharing some posts where I do real-life demos showing the No-Brainer Scenario in action…here’s the fourth post in the series.

Today, I’d like to share an informal case study of sorts.

A lot of my clients and friends are in the process of trying to grow a new business.

And sometimes, when we’re in the early stages of growing a business, we get faced with the toughest challenge of all:

Saying no to what we don’t want before we have what we do want.

Patty K., who has an amazing blog with the tagline “personal growth for introverts on a mission,” shared this story with me of how the No-Brainer Scenario helped her to say no to the stuff that wasn’t part of her mission. She agreed to let me share it with all of you.

I first had the idea that I wanted to speak and write about 17 years ago (and I got serious about it about 5 years ago), but I was stuck on “what will I speak about/write about?” So many options. I couldn’t decide. Major stuckness.

Finally, after spending a weekend re-categorizing and tagging everything I’d written over the past few months, I spotted the theme of shyness/introversion/social anxiety and decided to focus on that.

So the “what should I write and speak about?” question has been answered (for the most part). And more than that. It really feels like my “Mission from God.” Solid. Purposeful. Other-oriented.

However, it didn’t quite settle the “what do I do in my business?” question. Because I see so many other things where it would be *easier* to make money. (Or at least that’s what I tell myself.) IT-related things I can do in my sleep – like registering domains, setting up web hosting and Wordpress.

For it to be a No-Brainer for me to act on one of these “other” [technology-related business] ideas…what would need to happen?

My answer (as of Thursday night) was:

1. It would have to just fall into my lap. An opportunity to make some money from one of these things without me having to invest *any* effort into marketing it.
2. It would have to be a substantial amount of money vs. effort.

Here’s where it gets interesting…

Last night Joe and I were talking to someone who is just starting a business. One of his next steps was to find someone who could set up a website for him. He also mentioned they intended to spend significant money to get the business started. Joe said, “Sounds like all you need is Wordpress.”

He replied, “Yeah, that sounds right.”

I stayed silent. I was neither tempted nor interested. Evidently, what I thought was a No-Brainer *wasn’t*.

Big insight: I’ve been letting the part of me that believes that I can’t make money from pursuing my mission distract me. I’m evaluating business opportunities that don’t really engage me purely for the sake of money. Which I am not desperate for.

I have some breathing space. And as woo woo as it might sound, I really feel like I’ve been tapped on the shoulder. Like I have a calling.

So, after that bit of information, I decided to fully commit to my current track until the end of the year. I’ll re-evaluate in January.

So my NEW No-Brainer Scenario (as of this morning):

Whatever “new thing” comes up has to feel like it’s *more* on purpose/on mission than what I’m working on right now. (Duh!)

At this moment in time, I have absolute faith that if I stay focused on my mission, I will find a way to make money at it.

I’m putting myself out there and staying open to opportunities. Now I feel like I have a measure to weigh those opportunities against.

And THAT feels solid and oh-so helpful.

This story makes me jump-up-and-down excited for Patty. Don’t forget to say hi to her over on her blog!

Let’s do a little analysis, shall we?

Patty was aware that any time she spent on IT-related opportunities would mean time away from developing her speaking business, so she found the No-Brainer Scenario for those “side-gig” opportunities.

In other words, she got clear on what she would need feel good about saying yes to something that wasn’t her main Thing.

By getting clear about what she would need, she was able to recognize the opportunity when it arose.

As it turned out, the opportunity did arise, she noticed it, and she also realized it wasn’t what she wanted.

Defining her No-Brainer Scenario for what she thought she wanted led her to a major epiphany about the ways she was avoiding committing to her main Thing – her speaking business. And allowed her to find a new No-Brainer Scenario to help keep her on track.

How about you?

Can you relate to the “grass is greener” feeling of side-gigs that appear “easier” but really just distract you from what you truly want to do? I’d love to hear about it in the comments. (I know I can relate. Confession: I still read the job boards for database work occasionally more often than I’d like to admit.)

And if you’d like to dig into using the No-Brainer Scenario to help you stay focused on the work you truly want to do, check out my August 12 teleclass.

In honor of my upcoming class about decision-making, I’m sharing some posts where I do real-life demos showing the No-Brainer Scenario in action…here’s the third post in the series. The class is geared toward business decisions, but this one is more of a life decision.

Joanna writes in with a dilemma about where to live:

I’m originally from the West Coast, but I moved to New York for college seven years ago. I didn’t like New York, but I met my partner here, and she’s been the best thing that’s ever come into my life. We tried moving out west a couple years ago, but my partner couldn’t take being away from her family. We did lots of talking, and I decided I’d move back to New York, because being with her was the most important thing for me.

I’ve been back in New York for two years now, and this place just isn’t good for my mental health. I’d like to move to the Pacific Northwest (specifically Portland), but I’m not sure my partner can do it. She wants to try, because she’s also getting tired of the city, and none of the possible living locations we’ve looked at in the Northeast really fit our needs and wants. But the prospect of not getting to see her family every week or two is scary for her.

When we add to that worries about how long it might take us both to find jobs, we both start feeling overwhelmed and hopeless. We’ve actually discussed the possibility of us breaking up, which is the last thing either of us would want.

This is so, so hard. But, there’s lots to work with here, so let’s see what kind of hope we can bring to the situation.

First things first

First off, I want to encourage both of you to make sure you’re grounded whenever you’re working on this issue, whether together or separately. Of course it’s easy to get overwhelmed with all the different variables of making a move like this. Plus the complexity is doubled (at least) by virtue of the fact that you’re trying to meet two sets of needs.

Two different decisions

Part of why this issue feels unmanageable is that there are really two different decisions you need to make.

One decisions is where to live.

The other is how to make the move.

Both of them are big and important, so definitely take your time exploring and working on finding your No-Brainer Scenario for them.

Where to live?

When you’re dealing with an open-ended decision like finding what city you want to move to, it can be helpful to imagine your No-Brainer Location in the abstract.

What features do you want it to have? What activities do you need access to? What’s important to you in terms of how it looks/feels/sounds/smells?

Spend as much time as necessary getting clear on what you’re aiming for in a geographic location.

That list – your No-Brainer Location list – will serve as a checklist when you consider a specific location.

With that clarity, it might be easier to explore other Northeast locations that would fit your ideal (or close to it), which would also make it easier for your partner to visit family more often.

How do we move there?

Understandably, you’ve got some logistical concerns around finding work, and affording visits home.

For this decision, ask yourself:

What would make it a No-Brainer to pack up and move to a new location?

Here’s where you want to explore the concerns you have. But be sure to stay grounded while doing so.

The No-Brainer Scenario here might look something like:

• We will have $x in savings as a cushion.
• At least one of us will already have a job in the new city.
• We’ll find a house-sitting job so that we don’t have to pay rent at first.

The idea is to get creative and make sure your needs are met, so that when you do move, you’re as comfortable with the process as possible.

Other things to explore

It sounds like you two have already agreed that you might give Portland a try. Since your partner is worried about not being able to visit family, I think it would be worth some time exploring the qualities she experiences by being with her family.

Of course there’s no true substitute, but perhaps by understanding what the qualities are, the two of you together could find other ways to bring those qualities to Portland (or wherever you decide to move). Just maybe that would mean that a couple visits a year (rather than a few visits a month) would be enough, at least until you’re bringing in more money.

The most important things to remember

Here’s what I want to leave you with.

• This is a big decision, so be kind to yourselves and don’t rush.
• When you start to feel overwhelmed, come back to your breathing and your bodies. Take a break and do something else for a while.
• If things start to feel strained, remember that the two of you want to be together, and you’re willing to put in the effort to make it work (that’s huge!). Find ways to remember that you’re on the same team.
• Get clear first, then be open to possibilities. You could even turn your No-Brainer Scenario into a Very Personal Ad for your move.

How about you?

Can you relate? What decisions are you working on and what makes them tricky for you? Let’s talk about it in the comments.

And if you’d like to have more of the ease and calm that come from being able to make clear decisions, check out my August 12 teleclass. Early bird discount ends tonight!

In honor of my upcoming class about decision-making, I’m sharing some posts where I do real-life demos showing the No-Brainer Scenario in action…here’s the second post in the series.

Here’s an especially tricky decision someone emailed me about recently:

I’m trying to decide whether or not I should create a proposal to write for this company. They’re bigger than the kind of client I’m happiest working with. They seem perfectly nice, and it’s not like I hate writing for companies. But it’s just not the ultimate experience I want to have.

So do I turn them down before my business is booked up with my new target audience? Or take them on and grit my teeth because they’re, in a way, funding my transition?

When do you say, “Sure, as long as I’m not totally annoyed all the time, it’s good enough?” And when do you say, “NO! I want to be delighted ALL THE TIME!”

What makes this situation tricky is that we’re talking about someone asking us for a dance when our dance card isn’t full.

Except this person doesn’t make us swoon. And what if that certain someone who does make us swoon can’t dance with us because we agreed to dance with the un-swoon-worthy guy or gal?

It’s really easy to spin off into all the possibilities, so before we dig in, here’s what you need to do:

Ground and center yourself.

If you have a way that you usually do that, do it now. Don’t know what I mean by that? It simply means to reconnect with your body and let go of all the what-ifs and yeah-buts and whatever else makes you feel swirly about this decision.

If nothing else, spend a few minutes focusing on your breathing.

Ahhh…that’s better.

The most important thing

Same as last time, the most important question to answer is:

What would make it a No-Brainer to write for this company?

Considerations and questions

The No-Brainer Scenario process is the same for most (if not all) decisions, but some of the considerations will vary depending on the situation.

Here’s what I would consider and ask myself in the process of defining the No-Brainer Scenario for this kind of decision:

Will saying yes to this project help me shift my target market?

That’s what you really, really want, right?

It’s easy to see this project as something that will “fund your transition” but I’m going to challenge that.

My guess is that you need to get the word out that your target market has shifted. Which means doing stuff like sending emails to your network and updating your website to reflect who you want to work with.

If this non-ideal project will pay you and still allow you to do those things, then yes, it’s funding your transition.

But if saying yes to this project will delay your ability to get the word out, you’re actually delaying the transition. You’ll pay your bills in the short-term, but after this project is over, you’ll still be in the same boat you’re in now.

Is there something you could put in the proposal that would make writing for this larger company feel more like you were writing for your ideal client?

This is part of exploring whether it’s possible to turn a Meh opportunity into a great one.

In order for this to be a No-Brainer, would you need to charge more?

If you write the proposal using your normal pricing, will you wind up resenting the work because it’s a project you’re not in love with? Resenting the project is definitely not a recipe for doing your best work.

A hypothetical No-Brainer Scenario

As always, the specific items in the No-Brainer Scenario will depend on what’s important to you, but maybe it would look something like this:

• The project fee needs to be $x (20% more than what I’d charge an ideal client)
• I need to have only one person I’m dealing with (I don’t want to report to a committee)
• The deadline needs to be longer than what I’d normally commit to, so that I have time to update my website during this project.

Now you’ve got your “first draft” of a No-Brainer Scenario, which you’ll use to write the proposal (or not).

Check in with yourself

Imagine having the No-Brainer version of your proposal accepted. Would it feel like a No-Brainer to say yes to this project? If not, what remaining concerns need to be addressed?

Sometimes the process of defining your No-Brainer Scenario will show you that there is no set of conditions that would make this project feel like a No-Brainer.

This is valuable information! Because it tells you that you really don’t want to work with them, and you can focus your energy on finding your ideal clients.

Once you’ve found your No-Brainer Scenario

At this point, you can either use your No-Brainer Scenario to create your proposal, or you can move on.

If you submit your No-Brainer proposal, and they say no, you’ll have your answer. The project as you needed it to be doesn’t exist. Focus instead on spreading the word about who your ideal clients are, so they can find you.

But if you submit your No-Brainer proposal and they say yes? You just went from a so-so project to one that’s a…No-Brainer!

How about you?

Can you relate? What decisions are you working on and what makes them tricky for you? Let’s talk about it in the comments.

And if you’d like to dig a little deeper into this decision-making process, check out my August 12 teleclass. Early bird discount ends tomorrow night!

With decision-making on the brain, I thought I’d do a little series of posts showing the No-Brainer Scenario in action…

Recently someone sent me an email about a decision they were trying to make:

Within the last couple of months, I moved into a new office. As it turns out, I’m not sure this new place is a very good fit for me. It’s hard for me to get my work done here. But I also don’t want to move again so soon – moving is expensive! How do I decide?

What a bummer. All that work looking for a new office, making sure you picked a place that will support you by being a productive environment. Only to find you might have to start the process all over again.

It makes perfect sense to feel stuck on this decision.

What we tend to consider

When we’re in this kind of situation, where we’ve just chosen something that isn’t working out, it’s really easy to focus on sunk costs.

I spent a lot of money on a moving truck and movers.
I paid to have that one wall added so I could have a waiting room.
I spent hours searching for this place. I don’t want to start looking again!

Sunk costs are the money, time and energy we put toward something that can’t ever be recouped. Whether you stay or go, the investments are gone, so it’s not useful information for this decision.

Completely normal to focus on them, but not helpful. You may as well just rub some salt in that wound, instead.

A more helpful place to focus our attention

This particular decision comes down to productivity in your business. And giving yourself what you need to be successful. That’s big, important stuff.

A more helpful way to look at this decision would be to consider:

What is it costing me to spend my work days in an environment that doesn’t support me?
How much revenue am I losing by not finishing my work as efficiently as I could be?
What is it doing to my mental health to be frustrated at work most of the time?

It’s important to focus on these questions because the decision is really about one thing:

The cost of staying vs. the cost of moving.

What makes it tricky, though, is that it feels more expensive to move because there are direct costs involved (hiring movers, etc.). The costs of staying feel more indirect (lost revenue, recovery time, etc.), so it’s easy to disregard them.

What’s your No-Brainer Scenario?

I don’t have all the details, but let’s assume your current office situation can’t be improved without a lot of headaches. (Otherwise, you would have taken care of it already, right?)

You want to have a productive office space, and yet moving again so soon seems crazy. And comes with its own set of headaches.

Yet focusing on those potential headaches is the very thing that’s keeping you stuck.

You already know why you don’t want to move. Now let’s flip that on its head and figure out what would make moving a No-Brainer.

Start by asking yourself:

What would make it a No-Brainer to move?

Here’s a hypothetical No-Brainer Scenario for this situation:

• The new place needs to be within 15 minutes’ drive of the old place.
• The rent needs to be the same or less than what I pay now.
• The new landlord needs to be willing for me to pay the deposit in two installments.
• The office needs to have plenty of windows.

That list will vary, of course, depending on what your concerns are. Anything can go on the list as long as the condition helps make saying yes to moving easier.

Check in with yourself

When you think you’ve listed all the conditions you need for the decision to be an easy yes, stop and check in with yourself.

Envision moving with all your No-Brainer Conditions in tact. Imagine finding the right place, at the right price, etc.

How do you feel?

If you can say, “Yes, this would make it a No-Brainer to go ahead and move,” yay! You’ve found your No-Brainer Scenario.

If you still feel stuck, ask yourself, “What’s this remaining sense of concern about? What am I afraid will happen?”

Listen to the answers without judging them.

Maybe you’re worried about the amount of time you’ll spend looking for a new space. If so, you can add a condition that says you’ll spend no more than 4 hours per week looking at new offices.

Whatever the concern is, you can turn it around and add it to your No-Brainer Scenario.

Once you’ve found your No-Brainer Scenario

Once you’ve addressed all your concerns, and found all the conditions that would make moving a No-Brainer, make sure you have them written down. And keep that list handy!

The list will serve as your guide for what office spaces to consider. And which places to skip. And it will help you know what you need to discuss with the landlord.

Most importantly…

You already know that you need to move, sooner or later. What you’ve figured out is what it would take to make moving sooner something you can feel good about.

You’ve gotten unstuck and made a decision. How cool is that?

How about you?

What decisions are you working on? What has you stuck? Let’s talk about it in the comments.

And if you’d like some hands-on help for your business decisions, be sure to check out my upcoming class. The early bird discount ends this week!

Decision-making has been on my mind a lot lately. (Go figure…that’s what happens when I’m getting ready to teach a class on a topic – I roll the topic around in my mind and practically obsess on it.)

For almost my whole life I thought of myself as someone who could not make a decision.

I avoided them whenever I could. And if I couldn’t avoid one, my choice almost always felt more like I was closing my eyes and throwing a dart to see which option it hit. As though I was going someplace else and just choosing already, so I didn’t have to think about it anymore.

I felt ashamed of my indecisiveness. I suppose because somewhere along the way I picked up that indecisiveness was a female thing. Fucking sexist stereotypes.

Eventually I reached a point of mostly accepting that it’s just the way I was. Over the past couple of years, though, it started to shift without me even realizing it.

Ahhh, hindsight

Looking back, there were three big things (all inter-related) that made decision-making nearly impossible for me.

I was looking outside myself for the answers.

That’s exactly how I wound up in Houston making cold calls from a dive shop.

I was more concerned about what the surrounding circumstances looked like than what I really wanted.

It’s hard to explain, but when we’re presented with an opportunity, it’s as though we go outside ourselves to consider it, when what we should be doing is staying where we are and bringing the opportunity toward ourselves, to see how it feels.

When we go outside ourselves, we give away our power to make the choices that are best for us.

The Houston job was the only offer on the table. And it had been three whole months since I’d gotten out of school. (Yes, those were sarcastic italics.)

But nobody looked me in the eye and asked, “Victoria, is this the offer you’ve been waiting for? If not, what would it look like if you allowed yourself to wait a little longer?”

I didn’t know how to connect with what I wanted, and I didn’t trust that some part of me already knew.

Whenever I had to decide something, I got advice from a million different places. And don’t get me started on all the Pros and Cons lists I made.

I wasn’t able to stop, look within and go with what my gut was saying. After so many years of not listening, my gut had gotten tired of trying to yell over the din of advice from other people.

I saw “bad decisions” as failures.

No matter what we’re deciding, we don’t control the outcome. But as a perfectionist, the outcome is where I tend to focus. If the outcome wasn’t what I wanted, I’d failed.

There’s no room for learning and growth that way.

And with avoiding failure as a driving force, it’s far too easy to play it safe and miss really good opportunities.

A place to start

Decision-making is a skill you can learn, and just like with other learned skills, you get better with practice.

That’s why I created my upcoming class about the No-Brainer Scenario.

The technique helps you see what you want without limiting yourself to the circumstances at hand.

It’s the perfect way to start a practice of making decisions from within. The technique even has built-in ways to know when you’ve found what you really want. And it will help you know why you’re choosing the way you are. No more deciding in the dark.

If you’re ready to start exercising your decision-making muscles, check out the class deets here.

Announcing a new class on how to use the No-Brainer Scenario in real-life business situations!

Nearly a year ago I wrote a little post that wound up being pretty popular.

It was about the No-Brainer Scenario.

The No-Brainer Scenario technique is a really simple decision-making tool that has a knack for shaving the fuzz off decisions so you know exactly what you’re dealing with. It’s designed to help you figure out what you want, so that you can then decide what to do about it.

When we need to make those important, possibly urgent, emotionally-charged decisions, it’s easy to jumble up what we want with what we think we can have. And that’s no way to make a clear decision.

Even though the technique is simple, it’s not always obvious how to apply it to specific situations. Because, really, once we’re in a decision tangle it can be pretty damn hard to find clarity.

So, on Thursday, August 12, I’ll be holding a call about how to apply the technique to a variety of real-life business decisions and situations.

Maybe you’re trying to decide which project is up next.

Maybe you’ve got a job offer or freelance gig that you’re not sure about.

Maybe you want to outsource some of your work but aren’t sure if you can justify it.

Or maybe you’ve got a situation similar to my friend’s and you’re not sure if it’s time to bail.

The class will teach you how to use the No-Brainer Scenario Technique in common business situations so that you can…

…know what you want.
…stop second guessing your choices.
…turn so-so opportunities into ones that make you jump-up-and-down happy.

If you think this might be for you, check out the details here. Hope you’ll join me!

(Or: The Hidden Costs of Powering Through)

A friend of mine was bemoaning a difficult client.

And the idea of not working with them anymore came up, but as a non-option. Mentioned as wishful thinking but dismissed as something that would ruin her reputation. And would put her squarely in the “unprofessional” category.

I don’t agree.

If the project is draining you, sticking with it because you feel like you have to for whatever reason is a double-whammy.

Whammy #1

Time spent on the project from hell is, well, hellish.

We all have a limited capacity for any given project. That’s just the way life is. We need to take time to sleep and eat and bathe and keep the health inspectors from condemning our kitchens and bathrooms. Ahem.

And we have family obligations and other clients and other projects on our plates.

Oh, and *gasp* we might even have a hobby.

If you’re self-employed, chances are you made that choice so you’d have more control over your work. With the goal of, you know, enjoying more of it.

The upshot: The time you give to a miserable project is time you can’t give to a project you enjoy.

Whammy #2

Work that makes us miserable comes with an additional bit of fun: Recovery Time.

If you’re dealing with a difficult client, or fighting with technology, or there’s generally no flow in your work, it’s draining. You might even spend the time working on that project in acute stress.

When I was at the day job, every email in my inbox got my adrenaline pumping because it meant fixing a problem I didn’t want to fix. And then I’d go home and be a zombie all evening because I’d spent 8+ hours in fight-or-flight mode.

Those evenings I spent zoned out in front of the TV? I certainly wasn’t working on my business. Unless my business was couch-based ass-print development.

The upshot: Time spent recovering from a miserable project is also time you can’t spend on work you enjoy.

So what’s the solution?

I know it’s not as simple as telling you, “If you’re miserable, then bail.”

However, if the only thing stopping you from getting a miserable project off your plate is an uncomfortable conversation and possibly refunding some money?

I say, do it. Get it off your plate so you have the energy to replace it with a project that thrills you.

But, but, but!

Yes, it’s hard. It’s especially hard if it puts you in a cash-flow bind, or involves ending a client relationship.

But here’s another but: When we’re doing work that makes us miserable, we’re not doing our best work.

If you feel like you can’t quit because you’d be leaving someone hanging, I would argue you’d be doing them a favor. Sure, there might be an inconvenience factor for them, but you’re giving them the chance to work with someone who’s a better fit.

At the very least, you owe it to yourself to have a good think about why you feel like you can’t stop working on the thing that is draining your best creative energy.

Here’s what I would ask myself (and you, if we were working together):

Why can’t I stop working on the project (or with the client)? What would happen?

Who says my reputation will be ruined? Is that really true?

What will continuing with this project cost me (not just in terms of money)?

Looking back, what can I learn about this type of project or client? Were there any signs that told me to say no? Why did I say yes?

What did I think I would get out of saying yes, and what did I actually get?

What can I do so that, going forward, it’s easier to recognize and say no to the projects that aren’t right for me before I start working on them?

It’s all learning

Maybe you’re in a sticky project situation and you’d like to get out of it. And at the same time, maybe you feel like you just can’t take the necessary steps to make that happen. It’s too scary. Or the stakes feel too high.

It’s okay. Really.

This isn’t about increasing your stress by turning your work upside down. It’s about noticing and learning what works for you and what doesn’t. And using what you notice to create an amazing work-life (and life-life, for that matter).

Because now you’ll look at your not-so-enjoyable project differently. You’ll begin to see where and why it went wrong, and you’ll apply that information to choosing your next project.

That’s the cycle of learning: Make a choice. Notice how it plays out. Take notes on what you learned. Apply said learning to future choices.

How would it feel to be rid of That Project? What could you do with the extra time and energy you’d have?

During my recent internet sabbatical I finally made it to our local library. And of course, now I keep kicking myself for not doing that sooner, because, all those books? There to be read for free? It’s glorious.

One of the books I wound up reading is The Pursuit of Perfect by Tal Ben-Shahar. Really, I was looking for one of his other books, Happier, but it wasn’t on the shelf. Hello, synchronicity.

Why synchronicity? Because, although there’s a significant physical component to what I’ve been struggling with lately, the book helped me see that my perfectionism is also a big contributing factor.

I’ve known forever that I’m a perfectionist, but I didn’t realize that my outcome-based thinking and my all-or-nothing approach to everything I attempt were related to that. Yeah, kind of a duh! moment now that I look back. And who knows, maybe subconsciously I already knew they were all connected, but now I can really see it.

I’ll probably write some more about what I’ve learned, but this post is about the bonus validation I got of the value of my blogging. (How’s that for tooting my own horn?)

Throughout the book, Ben-Shahar shares several studies and their findings. Here’s the one that made me feel all warm inside (emphasis mine, and I added white space for readability):

Professor Ellen Langer asked students to assess the intelligence of a number of highly accomplished scientists.

The first group of students was given no information on how these scientists attained their success. Participants in this group rated the intelligence of the scientists as extremely high and did not perceive the scientists’ achievements as attainable.

Participants in the second group were told about the same scientists and the same achievements, but in addition they were told about the trials, errors, and setbacks the scientists experienced on the road to success.

Students in this group evaluated these scientists as impressive – just like the students in the first group did. But unlike participants in the first group, students in the second group evaluated the scientists’ accomplishments as attainable.

The point? When you only see the outcome, everything looks like overnight success, the result of innate talent and a lucky break. But the reality is that every achievement has many steps along the way, many of which were probably missteps.

What I found most exciting (sorry – is my inner geek showing?) is that all it took for the students to see the achievements as attainable was the awareness of the failures the scientists experienced before they reached success.

That was a serious a-ha moment for me.

Part of me, all along, has known that sharing my process is useful and important for my readers. Another part of me tends to think it’s self-indulgent and that I’m not being teach-y enough.

Either way, I couldn’t really articulate why it was important for me to share my process. And not being able to articulate the why meant I tended to discount the lovely comments and emails where people flat-out told me it was helpful. I guess my inner scientist needed something more concrete.

So, this is why it’s important: It’s to share the steps I took along the way. To show that things go wrong, and there are setbacks, health challenges, flopped launches and fear. To demystify what I’m doing.

All in hopes of people realizing that if I can do it, others can do it, too.

You can do it.

There’s no mystery, here. Just hard work, lots of managing of emotions (often unsuccessfully), and finding ways to move ahead despite the fear.

Meanwhile, I’m just going to bask in the fact that now, when my monsters tell me writing a post about what I’m dealing with is wasting my readers’ time, I can point them to a scientific study that proves otherwise.

If you sometimes doubt the value of writing about your process, please share this study with your monsters, too. Care to bask with me?

And a little update!

I’ve been interviewed by the lovely Karen Caterson over at the Square Peg People blog! I had a blast talking with Karen. We even talked about what was on my second grade report card. :)

Oh, and I’m giving away a free coaching session over there! You can enter by leaving a comment on her post of the interview. The details are at the end of the post!

Okay, people. I’m just going to lay it out here.

This is the ninth post I’ve started since the last one I published. Ninth. I kid you not.

I’ve had a really horrible month of insomnia, depression and anxiety. Basically a repeat of the hormonal wonkiness I wrote about previously, except a hell of a lot worse. (I guess I should just learn to expect that reasonable changes to my meds lead to an unreasonable and unexpected amount of turmoil.)

Not a lot of work got done this last month – my energy went first to client sessions, and if there wasn’t anything left, well, tough turds, nothing else got done.

I spent a lot of time wallowing in despair, and questioning whether I can pull off this business of starting a business at all.

I even went on my first ever self-imposed internet sabbatical last week. I was hoping it would kick the writer’s block, but four of the nine posts were started during or after the sabbatical. Although, I suppose, technically, if I publish #9, I might have to give the sabbatical some of the credit for that.

Either way, it appears that I can’t write posts as though everything is fine if everything isn’t fine.

I peeked in at the Twitter Bar on Saturday and the lovely Catherine Caine was handing out random compliments. I was feeling pretty blue so I asked for one. Here’s what she said about me:

Hey everyone, @victoriashmoria is super-duper smart and compassionate and a provider of delightful clarity.

Isn’t that awesome?

Besides making me shed a tear or seven, it made me realize that I have been doing a really lame job of giving myself credit and cutting myself slack. Not that that’s new for me, but there’s nothing like a big fat reminder to renew my resolve at shifting the patterns.

So, this is me, reminding myself of some things I need to remember. Maybe they’re things you need to remember, too.

Cut me some slack, Jack!

We can only base our decisions on the information we have at the time.

We had a certain amount of money in the bank when I decided to quit my job. And I had a certain number of clients. The time felt right to quit and focus on my business. I couldn’t predict that I’d wind up having a few very bad months with low productivity, so why do I beat myself up for quitting when I did?

Shit happens, and you just do the best you can with it.

I’ve got some fucked up (subconscious) stories about what causes what (with some warped Law of Attraction bullshit thrown in for good measure). It’s really easy for me, on top of the actual issue I’m dealing with, to blame myself for whatever is happening. Especially physical and emotional stuff.

Not even slightly helpful.

Capacity changes, needs change, health changes, energy levels change. And in response, you shift deadlines and priorities. And meet your needs the best you can.

We don’t control the outcome, so we’d damn well better learn how to enjoy the journey.

Enjoying the journey doesn’t come easily for perfectionists. I am all about the outcome, and if the outcome doesn’t suit me, get ready for a tantrum.

But, I’m trying to shift that pattern. Maybe our financial situation will allow me to continue focusing on my biz full-time until it supports us, maybe it won’t.

Easier said than done, but I really want to enjoy what I’m doing now, without worrying about what may or may not happen later.

Toot toot!

And now, I’m going to remind myself of some of the things I’m good at. And some of the things I’m proud of myself for.

I was there for my clients despite all that’s going on.

I did my best to listen better to my body and give it what it needed.

I managed to get a birthday card and a Father’s Day card to my dad on time.

I’m probably going to publish this post even though I don’t love it and I’m afraid I sound like a grouchy, whiney baby. Or like I’m full of myself.

I was aware of my energy levels enough to shift priorities based on the quality of energy I had available.

Which meant I still managed to finish turning my Shmorian Thing-Finding class into the Shmorian Thing-Finding Kit.

I did a good job of staying present through this shitty month and only numbed out occasionally.

I am awesome at asking questions that help my Right People untangle their tangly stucknesses.

I notice patterns and pick up on clues that lead to plenty of A-ha moments, for me and my clients.

I made two of my past dreams come true: I taught scuba diving in the Caribbean and had a 10-year career in IT (yes, I quit both of those things, but originally they were dreams of mine). Surely I can make this one happen, too.

I’m a superstar at helping people feel safe and supported as they work through an issue.

I’m really good at breaking down complex ideas and processes into simple, digestible pieces.

I haven’t given up, and I still know I made the right decision to quit my job.

Join me?

I know I need to get better at giving myself credit for my accomplishments and appreciating my successes. I’m pretty sure I’m not alone. So let’s do some horn-tooting together, okay?

What can you toot about in the comments? Or what’s something you can cut yourself slack on?

List as few or as many as you’d like. And even if you don’t want to do it here (in public), for the love of the gods, do it privately! We all could use a little more self-appreciation.

I went hiking a couple days ago. It may have been my last hike between now and, oh, October. (I’ve been living in Phoenix for over 13 years now and I am so over the heat.)

As usual, I did a lot of thinking on the trail.

This time I was pondering the past week and noticing how challenging it was. And how everything just felt heavy and frustrating.

My oh-so-deep thoughts were interrupted, though, because I had reached a turning point on the trail. Was I going to head back toward my car, or was I going to do the “side-loop” that takes me up to the top of the mountain?

I wasn’t quite ready to head back. Plus, with my tendency to pushpushpush, I turned left and started climbing.

It was hot. And my head was starting to hurt. And I was moving much more slowly than usual.

Should I turn back? No, not yet.

My heart was starting to pound. And my headache was getting worse.

And who knows why, exactly, but I remembered Fabeku’s post about staying in the flow rather than fighting for stuff.

Why am I trying to push so hard to get to the top of this (small) mountain?
Isn’t my body making it pretty clear that it’s had enough scrambling in the heat?
So what if I turn back before reaching the top? And who cares if anyone sees me backtracking?

Hey, Shmoria…does any of this sound familiar?

Huh? Ohhhh.

File under: You teach what you need to learn.

For over a week, I’ve been fighting to complete a particular project. I thought it was something I could get done in a couple days, so I may as well just finish it and cross it off my list. But several days in and I was getting tangled up in stuck.

Too many days of fighting, and far from enough flow.

What’s missing?

In my sessions with clients, the first thing we work on together is figuring out what their Shmorian Elements* are – the qualities and values that will help them stay energized as they work. The Elements also provide lots of good information about how to prioritize and choose projects.

When things move from Flow to Fight, usually it’s because a key Element is missing from our work.

In my case, I was trying to turn my recent Shmorian Thing-Finding class into a downloadable product.

Several of my Elements were missing from that.

Creativity – Even though I was planning to add some additional goodies that I would have to create, the majority of the work involved did not feel creative to me at all. Yawn.

Fun – Quite often, I get Fun from the process of creating. But not only was there a lack of Creativity here, there definitely wasn’t enough other Fun stuff to make up for it.

Connection – This one’s the Big One for me. My strongest zing! of Connection comes from working one-on-one with clients. Sharing their a-ha moments and witnessing them go from stuck to unstuck. But even writing blog posts feels more Connection-ish for me than trying to turn a class into a product.

So now what?

Is turning my class into a product a worthwhile project? Absolutely.

But it needs to move a little lower down on the priority list, so that I’m still spending time working on the stuff that nourishes me.

Since two of my big Elements are Connection and Creativity, I would be happier creating a new live class to offer**. And continuing to blog. And making sure people know I’m not booked solid as far as client-work goes.

There are also three things I can do as far as my stuck project is concerned:

1. Break down what’s left into really small pieces, so that when I’m not drained, I can tick off a step here and there. If I feel like it. By spending a few minutes on it each day, it will get done soon enough.

2. Look at the project with fresh eyes and ask myself if the stuck-est parts are even necessary. I know I have a tendency to complicate things.

3. Look for ways to infuse the project with the Elements I need. I need to be a little bit careful here so that I don’t make the project too big (see #2).

However I wind up handling it, as much as possible, I need to enjoy the process. Because the whole point of quitting my job was to be able to do work that I enjoy, not dread.

* Shmorian Elements?!? I’ve been making some changes behind the scenes, but with the excitement of teaching my first class, I didn’t mention it. If you’d like to know what your Elements are so you can work in ways that are best for you, check out my Hire Me page to find out more and set up a free 30 minute chat.

** I’m already working on putting together a class (yay for getting unstuck!). If you want to be sure to hear about it first (this may be a limited-seat offering), please share your contact info here.

How about you?

Are you working on something that feels like more fight than flow?
How do you want that work to feel? What’s missing?
In what ways can you give yourself more of what’s missing?

We can even do some brainstorming in the comments. Let’s get some flow back into your projects!