When the Thing Becomes Too Important

by Victoria on May 10, 2010

I’m feeling something that might possibly be the beginning of writer’s block.

Writing blog posts took a back seat to prepping to teach the Thing-Finding class.

And then once all of that was over, my post ideas were mostly vague glimmers that I couldn’t quite latch on to. Kind of like when you wake up in the morning and you know you dreamed something really bizarre but you can’t remember the details enough to describe it to anyone. (Or is that just me?)

The glimmers of ideas are coming into slightly clearer focus, and yet it also feels more difficult to put words to paper.

It feels almost as though writing a post has started to become too important.

And that reminded me of other things I want to do but don’t because they’ve become too big a deal.

A couple months ago on Twitter I learned about Zentangles. (Not sure from whom – @AmySeyBrown, maybe?) I was completely fascinated. And I thought it would be the perfect creative outlet for me because it’s simple – you just need a pen and some paper.

But then I read about how the perfect pens for this activity were Sakura Microns.

So I ordered a set.

The first set got lost in the mail (what are the odds?), so by the time I received them over a week had gone by.

(Can you guess where this is going?)

I took the pens out of the box. Opened the package and made some scribbles to see the different pen thicknesses.

And haven’t used them – or made a single Zentangle – since.

So what had happened?

I thought I was giving myself something I wanted by splurging on a set of art pens. But what I really had done was to impose a set of rules for when and how I could start creating.

This pattern is very closely related to the “if only’s” and the “I’ll do x once I ____.”

I’ll get serious about my Thing once I don’t have a full time job.
I’ll write the ebook once our house sells.
I’ll start painting once I can afford an easel.
I’ll knit something once I find the perfect yarn and pattern.
I’ll set up my Etsy shop the next time I use some vacation time.

This stuckness is not about lack of time or equipment or supplies.

It’s deeper than that.

For me and my non-existent Zentangles (and my on-again, off-again relationship with knitting), it’s fear of messing up. Of creating something that’s not good enough. Too much emphasis on the outcome of my efforts.

As for the lack of blog posts, here are some questions I’ve been asking myself about this, along with my answers.

What rules are you trying to follow?

I’ve already let too much time go by since my last post, so I need to hurry up and get something out there.

If I’m going to post something, it needs to be important. And useful. And at least a little entertaining. I don’t want to waste people’s time.

But it can’t be too long of a post. Nor can it be too short.

And the writing itself should feel like it just flies out the tips of my fingers. If the words aren’t flowing, it must not be worth writing.

What are you trying to avoid?

I don’t want to bore people. Or drive my readers away.

Or look like a dumbass.

What’s the kernel of truth in the fear?

That I want my writing to be genuinely helpful.

How can you take some of the importance out of writing a post?

Write about the struggle itself. (Wooo…meta!)

Trust that showing up is, in itself, helpful.

Drop my expectations about how it should look and feel.

Give myself permission to write something even if I decide not to publish it.

Intentionally write something badly. Ramble. Be ridiculous.

Draw a zentangle!*

First zentangle

First zentangle

* This is a perfect example of how getting unstuck in one area (writing a post) can lead to getting unstuck in a completely different area (drawing a zentangle with my fancypants pens).

How about you?

Have you set a condition for doing something (or some Thing), and then found yourself not doing it even once the condition was met? Share in the comments by answering some or all of the questions below.

Or don’t – let’s not make the comments too important. (I would say there are no rules, except, well, there are two: Be nice and no advice.)

What’s the thing you want to do but aren’t?
What rules are you trying to follow?
What are you trying to avoid?
What’s the kernel of truth?
How can you take some of the importance out of it so you can move forward?

(Ahhh…feels good to post again.)

{ 22 comments }

I Did All That Work for Nothing

by Victoria on April 13, 2010

How many times have you said that?

Or maybe one of its cousins:

“What a waste of time that was.”
“What was the point of doing that if it was going to turn out like this?”
“Two weeks (or months) of work, flushed down the toilet.”

I started pondering this after the following sequence of events from last week:

There I was, lying down in shavasana after 15 intense minutes of Dance of Shiva. My intention? Make all the final niggling decisions I needed to make in order to launch my Shmorian Thing-Finding class.

In the back of my mind, I was semi-consciously aware that my husband was supposed to be leaving for work in about 10 minutes, but hadn’t come home yet to get ready. I shrugged it off, certain he must have the night off but forgot to tell me.

I was just about to start my meditation, when the door that leads in from the garage flew open and my husband was running through the house, trying to eat lunch, shower, dress and leave ten minutes in the past.

So, of course, I jumped up from my prone position on the floor (headrush!), and ran downstairs to try to help.

I wasn’t of much use, though, because all that frantic activity makes me nervous. Had he been able to bark orders, I probably could have helped. But intuiting what he still needed help with and doing those things, all without getting in his way? Nuh-uh. I cowered in the office, figuring that if I couldn’t help, I should just give him a wide berth.

Fifteen minutes later, he was off to work (and got there only 2 minutes late).

At that point I was completely frazzled. There was no way in hell I was going to be able to march back up to my meditation spot and get to meditating.

And I confess I was feeling thoroughly a little bit resentful at the interruption. Which is right about when I started ranting out loud to myself about how I’d done all that Dance of Shiva for nothing.

*sound of needle scratching across record*

Is that even possible?

Can you really do something like Dance of Shiva and get nothing out of it?

What about writing a blog post that you wind up not publishing? Or prepping to teach a class that gets canceled? Or studying to get certified as a [fill in the blank], and then changing directions after failing (or after passing, for that matter)?

Which then brings up all sorts of questions.

Why am I doing this thing (or this Thing)?
What does it mean to get something out of doing [fill in the blank]?
What kind of angst am I creating for myself when I look at the “failed” outcome as removing all value from the process?
Is it possible to increase my awareness of what I’m gaining from the process, and take some of the focus off the outcome?

(Wow…I could probably keep going with the questions, but I won’t.)

Hearing myself use that phrase that day – “I did such-and-such for nothing” – emphasized for me how much trouble I get into when all my focus is on the outcome of my activities.

In February, when it became clear I wouldn’t be conducting my 10-month program, all I could see was that I’d done a lot of prep work for something that wasn’t going to happen. I already shared how hard that was. I kept thinking of all the things I could have been spending my time on instead, and how they probably would have worked out a lot better. (Hello, pattern.)

Sure, it’s possible that a different focus would have generated different results. Whether those results would have been “better” is a whole ‘nother question that’s not really answerable.

What I couldn’t see before, though, is that the whole “failed class” experience planted a lot of seeds. Seeds that are just barely starting to sprout.

The upshot

This is still pretty fresh as far as epiphanies go, but among the things I’m thinking about:

This highlights the importance of doing work that I enjoy enjoying the work I do. Even if I want the benefit of a completed project, if I’m not being fed by the process of working on it, I shouldn’t be spending my energy on it, because the outcome isn’t guaranteed.

I’m also thinking that maybe there are ways to remind myself of the value of what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

Yes to more noticing what I’m enjoying and what I’m not as I go about my work. More noticing how different types of projects make me feel. And more finding ways to spend my time doing the stuff that energizes me.

And guess what?

The noticing adds value to whatever I’m doing, because no matter the outcome I’m learning about me.

Will there still be situations where I feel heartbreaking disappointment at how a project turns out? I’d be shocked if there weren’t.

Maybe it’s just how our brains are wired, but I think our capacity to know the full value of what we’re doing is limited.

The seeds get planted behind our backs, and we don’t even know they’re there until the first little green shoots pop up through the soil. They show up as an unexpected blog post, or an inkling of a new understanding of our Thing.

But maybe by noticing those seedlings we can build a body of evidence to remind ourselves – even in the midst of disappointment and frustration – that there was a point to the work we did. We just have to wait for the seeds to do their thing.

How about you?

Can you relate? What have you found that helps? Want to share your stories of work that felt like it was for nothing at the time but turned out to be hugely important?

I’d love to hear about it.

{ 17 comments }

The Shmorian Thing-Finding Methodology

by Victoria on April 9, 2010

Looking back, there are a few things I wish someone could have helped me understand back when I was trying to find my Thing:

1. Even after you find your Thing, you often doubt whether you got it right.

2. The yeah-buts don’t magically stop when you find your Thing, they just protest about different stuff.

3. Finding your Thing isn’t an event, it’s a process. You’re not going to hear angels trumpeting on high or have a bunch of confetti drop from the ceiling when you’ve found it.

4. Finding your Thing is like walking at night with a flashlight. You can see only so far ahead of you. If you want to see farther away, you have to take at least one step forward. In other words, you’re going to have to step into something that interests you before you really know if it’s your Thing.

5. Your Thing is actually comprised of infinite sub-things, so even after you find your main Thing, the search continues. For example, I figured out I wanted to be a life coach, but then I needed to figure out what kind of coaching I would do. And then who my Right People are. And then what my superpowers are.

Who knows if hearing those things back then would have made a difference, but I like to think it would have. Maybe it will make a difference for you now. I definitely hope it will.

In any case, over this past weekend, I had some epiphanies about a different way to go about searching for your Thing. Or rather, some of the ideas floating around in my head gelled together in a more cohesive way.

So I’ve put together a 90-minute teleclass called Introduction to Shmorian Thing-Finding Methodology.

And because I take a no-bullshit approach to pretty much everything in my life, but especially in my coaching work, let me state something up front:

This class will not tell you what your Thing is.

No class or book can.

Rather, this class is about having ways to deal with the Yeah-Buts so you can continue to search for or explore or invest in your Thing. And ways to approach the process mindfully – scientifically, even – so that trying something that winds up not being your Thing is less devastating and still gives you valuable clues for where to look next.

And tools to help you get clear on what’s important to you, so that you can recognize your Thing when you find it.

Because, here’s one other thing I wish someone had told me:

6. The process of searching for and exploring and figuring out what your Thing is, is the richest, most challenging, oh-so-worth-it-est adventure you can have. Even the worst Thing-Finding adventure days beat the best trying-to-stuff-it-down-and-ignore-it days by a mile.

If you’re up for that kind of adventure, you can get the class details over here.

{ 12 comments }

Remembering

by Victoria on March 28, 2010

After all my falling apart lately, it seems that things are starting to clear a little bit.

My tendency, for better or worse, is to approach shifts toward the positive cautiously. Because, you know, they could shift back the other way at any moment.

Does my old buddy, Urgency, still visit without an invitation? Oh yeah.

Hence the caution, because sometimes Urgency shows up and decides to camp out on the couch for days at a time. In his boxer shorts and undershirt stained with Cheetos dust. What a dick.

Wait, what was this post supposed to be about?

Oh, I remember. Things looking up.

So the fact that things are looking decidedly less staring-into-the-abyss-ish meant I needed to figure out what’s next.

And wondering what’s next led me to reflect on what was going on for me when I started this blog (and before ever starting it).

Which led me to remember how stuck I was.

First, let me be clear that I am in no way implying that I am immune to getting stuck. I think my previous two posts make that point pretty well.

But there was a particular flavor of stuck that I was in for years. The I-hate-my-job-and-I-want-to-do-something-else-but-I-have-no-idea-what-my-Thing-is flavor.

And by Thing, I mean the thing I am good at, enjoy doing, and want to be paid to do.

Story time

Way, way back, when I first discovered that I loved databases and wanted to work in IT, it wound up taking me about a year to get my first real IT job. I was so excited to have finally broken through that frustrating Catch-22 of not being able to get experience because I didn’t have experience, yet.

And then it took less than a year for the career honeymoon to be over.

Even if I decided to ignore the feeling that I was living a Dilbert cartoon everyday, all the little technology gremlins that kept something from working for no apparent reason? And the constant assault of new tools coming in to replace the old tools? Drove. Me. Crazy.

Yes, there is always new stuff to learn no matter what field you’re in. But I quickly got tired of all the new learning required to be successful in IT. It just wasn’t my Thing.

I was heart-broken. Because for the second time, I’d thought I’d found my dream career, only to learn that I would have to go back to the drawing board. (The first time? I really thought I’d be a scuba instructor in the Caribbean for longer than three years.)

But the drawing board was not a fun place to go back to, especially for someone who doesn’t like being in the not knowing.

“What do you want to do?”
“What do you like to do?”

Those questions caused me a lot of anxiety. Because no matter how many times I asked myself, or others asked me, I only heard static.

I started reading books by people like Barbara Sher and Martha Beck. And the kinds of books that had tests you could take to help you figure out what you’d be good at. Those stupid tests never worked for me – they always seemed to result in the answer of “you can do whatever you want.” (Uhhh…thanks?)

What did you like to do as a child?

That wasn’t a helpful question because, by the third grade, I was only interested in making sure I got straight-A’s in school. There was no time for anything else.

Oh but wait…I used to like crafts.

At the time, though, that wasn’t an acceptable Thing at all, so the information wasn’t helpful. It was so tied up in all my Stuff around creativity and perfectionism that there was no way I could explore it as a possible business.

Looking back, what really kept me stuck was that I was unable to give myself permission to do anything about finding a new Thing. No experimenting. No trying and then moving on to something else if it turned out I didn’t like it.

It’s a sad and uncomfortable place to be. I desperately wanted to want to do something, but between the disappointment of so quickly falling out of love with IT and the fear of getting the next choice “wrong,” I couldn’t even let myself dream.

Am I alone?

I’ve got some ideas that I think would have helped me had I been able to give them to myself back then. But it made me wonder about you.

Can you relate to wanting to find your Thing but not knowing where to look?

If you’re still in the process of figuring out what your Thing is, and you’re feeling stuck around that (or have felt stuck in the past), what flavor of stuckness is it?

What kind of “yeah-buts” are you hearing when you come across something that could be your Thing, and you’d like to know more about it?

Or maybe you’re pretty sure you’ve found your Thing, but you’re still hearing lots of yeah-buts. Are you feeling stuck around how to move forward? Or how to be sure it’s for real?

Of course, I’d love to hear about it in the comments. But I know this can be a difficult and frustrating topic. So if you want to remain anonymous, you can share your answers in the form below.

I really want to hear from you.


(If you’re reading this via email and aren’t able to see the special form, you’ll need to click through to the web page in order to use it.)

{ 14 comments }

The First Law of Shmorianism

by Victoria on March 16, 2010

Talking to some friends yesterday, I revealed that I was still having a Very Hard Time.

Yes, there’s still left over stuff from my previous bout of Oof.

But there’s also new stuff. Over the last week or so, I’ve felt a growing sense of Urgency.

Well, I’m sure it’s been there longer than that, but as of the last week, it’s started creeping in to how I talk about my business.

As in, “I hope I can pull this off,” or, “I hoped things would have gotten rolling a bit more by now.”

I even uttered, “Well, I’d decided it was time to give it a shot,” about quitting my job.

Oh dear lord. I’m talking as though I’ve already given up. Or as though I’m trying to defend or rationalize the choices I made.

And on more than one occasion I really have entertained the thought that quitting my job was a mistake.

The point is, when you’re feeling a sense of urgency, it’s kind of hard to hear much of anything else. Which is unfortunate, because I really need to be hearing from my heart and my business right about now.

Today I had the first of what will probably be many conversations with the Urgency. It’s quite worried, and seems to believe homelessness and divorce are in my future if I don’t change course. No wonder it’s screaming in my ear all the time.

That’s the other thing about urgency – it doesn’t listen to reason very well. It doesn’t seem to care that it would take some serious financial setbacks to cause homelessness anytime soon. It only knows how much less per month I’m bringing in compared to my old job.

I’m really hoping that we can find a new way to work together. Ideally before I wind up taking drastic measures.

Either way, I’m ready to get to the other side of this. So I’m making a declaration:

Henceforth (or until I change my mind), the First Law of Shmorianism* states that the things that suck the most are the most likely to help you make money once you’ve gotten through them.

I’m not exactly sure what Shmorianism is (although I know how it looks in the context of planning a project).

And I can’t say with 100% certainty that this Law is True-with-a-capital-T.

But dammit, I’m choosing to believe it right now, because after more than a month and a half of being in the shit, if I can’t at least have faith that it will lead to good things, what the hell is the point?

* If you’re wondering where Shmorianism comes from, it’s a reference to my Twitter handle: victoriashmoria.

Today’s comment zen:

I’m sharing this in the spirit of transparency. To show that starting a business is not all rainbows and unicorns, but also that it’s possible to approach the difficulties mindfully, with compassion and curiosity.

I’d love to hear if you can relate. But once again, commenting with advice will earn you a kick in the shins. This is an advice-free zone.

{ 20 comments }

Oof

by Victoria on March 8, 2010

I’m tired of looking at my site and seeing that I haven’t written a post in nearly a month. A month, people!

So, I’m posting.

It’s kind of a placeholder. Just a post to say I’ve posted, so that I feel less pressure. You know, the pressure to actually write something, when (as you’ll see below) I really didn’t feel like writing.

The last three+ weeks have been pretty hellish. But not in an outward way, exactly. It’s been more of an internal hellishness.

I’m still processing my way through it, but there were two big things happening.

1. I launched my course, and it did not go nearly as well as I’d hoped.
2. Thanks to some medication I’m taking, I’ve had full-blown PMS for over a month.

Each of those two things, on their own, would have sucked big time, but together? Oof.

The timing is almost comical, really.

Putting oneself out there is hard enough. And not getting the desired response is easy to take personally. Or maybe that’s just me (but I don’t really believe that).

Sure, intellectually, I know that when you’re in business, sometimes you try things and they don’t take off. And you just have to troubleshoot and try again.

Easier said than done.

Lots of my patterns and Stuff were triggered, including my Tendency to Set Overly High Expectations, my Need to Place Blame Somewhere, and my Tendency to Say “Fuck It” and Go into Hiding.

But then, to top it off, the hormonal depression was magnifying all of it by a factor of 1000. I didn’t know that was part of the problem until I’d been utterly useless for two weeks straight and kept wondering why the hell I wasn’t feeling any better.

Maybe this is starting to sound like a load of excuses. But now that I’m starting to feel functional again – and like “me” – it’s more obvious how much I was “not me” while I was trying to work through this.

It’s impossible to know how much of how I handled it was because of my hormonal state, and how much was my “normal” reaction, because I can’t have a do-over of this experience minus the hormonal upheaval.

Either way, I’m feeling disappointed with myself for how I responded to this whole situation. And, truthfully, it would be comforting to know that the magnitude of my tantrums was at least partly out of my control.

Anyway…

I’ve been trying to address the patterns and the emotions with compassion, which hasn’t been easy. Especially when underneath them there’s a belief that I shouldn’t be feeling this way.

I’m working on reminding myself that none of this reflects on my ability to help people, even though my monsters are trying to convince me otherwise.

And working on being okay with feeling what I feel about this. Because lord knows I’d much rather have been able to Just Get Over It and Move On.

And I’ve been re-evaluating what’s next. Trying to find what’s real and true beneath the hurt, so that I can exercise my sovereignty, rather than making choices based on what my Stuff is whispering yelling in my ear. For now that means postponing my course for a couple of months, until I can get clear on what I need and what it needs.

This is one of those posts that is terrifying to publish. Feels a bit whiny, and maybe a tad defensive (which just goes to show that I’m still resisting some of my emotions).

But it would feel dishonest to go back to writing as though everything is fine. I’ve been transparent, so far, about this whole transition from not knowing what I want, to owning my desire to be a coach, to launching my practice, to quitting my job.

How could I not be transparent about the reality of launching a creation, having Stuff get triggered, and trying to deal with it while also dealing with meat-suit issues and the Usual Pressures of Running a Business?

It’s all learning. Or so I’ve heard. Launch let-down wisdom still TBD.

Today’s comment zen:

I’d love to hear about it if you can relate. But for the love of the gods, please do not make suggestions about what I should have done differently in terms of my launch or my sales page or my pricing. So help me, I will kick you in the shins. This is an advice-free zone.

Because that’s not what this is about. This is about acknowledging the aftermath of our Stuff getting triggered when we do something new and things don’t go as planned.

{ 31 comments }

Intro to Shmorian Project Planning & the Qualities

by Victoria on February 11, 2010

Yes, two posts ago, I said the next post would be about Necessity. This is still not that post. We’ll come back to that.

Today, I wanted to talk about how our No-Brainer set of qualities can help us in planning our projects. And how we can plan projects in ways that bring more of those qualities into our lives.

When I’m planning a project for my business (or helping someone else plan), there are some very basic questions to answer.

Shmorian* Project Planning in under 1.25 tweets

What is the goal of the project?
What are the steps involved?
How long will the steps take (individually and in total)?
Are there any externally-imposed deadlines?
Most importantly: What is my capacity?

Once you have the answers to those questions, you can create your project plan. (Yes, there’s a bit more to it than that, but not nearly as much as you’d think.)

* “Shmorian” is a reference to my Twitter handle victoriashmoria. Friends often refer to me as Ms. Shmoria or even just Shmoria. Are we following each other, yet?

A few words on Capacity

Capacity is the thing that lets your plan be sane and sustainable. It simply means “the amount of time I have available to invest in this project.”

If you’ve got 10 hours a week to put toward the Thing you’re trying to do or create, and the steps you need to complete will take you a total of 100 hours, you’re looking at about 10 weeks to complete the project.

Capacities vary from person-to-person. And from project-to-project. Because it all depends on whose life we’re talking about, and what that person has on their plate at the time they’re planning.

100% capacity does not mean you have 24 hours a day to work on something. You have to account for sleep. And eating. Possibly a day job. Driving your kids to school and soccer practice and piano lessons. And don’t forget about transition time – nobody pulls into the garage and walks straight to their desk to be productive.

If you’re not realistic about what your capacity is, you will either lose a lot of sleep making up for it, or you won’t complete the project when you thought you would. It just doesn’t pay to set your capacity higher than what you can reasonably handle.

But what does this have to do with the Qualities?

Here are some questions (with my answers) to get you thinking in terms of applying your No-Brainer qualities to planning a project.

What are the qualities you’re wanting more of?

As mentioned previously, mine are Connection, Creativity, Fun, Stability, Safety and Sovereignty.

How can you infuse the goal of your project with your chosen qualities?

For the sake of the example, we’ll say that the goal of my project is to create a six-week group teleclass.

A lot of the qualities (connection, creativity) will be there by virtue of the connection brought by a group class, and the creativity required to develop the material.

I could increase safety by offering the class as a beta program to a selected group of people.

How can you infuse the steps with the qualities?

Safety and Stability could come from making sure I break down the entire project into very manageable pieces – maybe even making sure each step will take no more than 2 – 4 hours. That way, every day I’m likely to have at least a couple of things I can check off my list, so I’ll see steady progress.

How can you infuse your time estimates with the qualities?

Again, I can really increase stability and safety by being conservative with my estimates. It’s much better to overestimate how long something will take. And then add an Oh Shit Factor of 10 or even 20% of the time I’ve estimated for each task, so if something takes longer than expected, I’m not instantly running behind.

How can you honor your chosen qualities if there are external deadlines?

This one’s a little trickier. Let’s say I wanted to announce my course on a particular date, say at a conference or some other workshop. I don’t have the luxury of changing someone else’s workshop date.

This is where sovereignty and safety come in.

Maybe I can develop the course just enough to announce it. Not everything has to be complete before I announce the program.

Another way sovereignty can come in is with my own priorities. If I choose to move forward with announcing the class on a particular date, I can also try to take some lower priority items off my plate. And say no to additional opportunities.

I could also change the amount of material I want to cover. Maybe I make it a three-part course instead of six, so that it’s easier to complete on time.

Or I can check in with myself and see that this external deadline, although appealing, just isn’t reasonable, and I can say no.

How can I infuse my capacity with my chosen qualities?

Safety and sovereignty are huge, here. (So are support and flow, if those were among your chosen qualities.)

This is where being realistic about my capacity becomes absolutely critical.

I can decrease my capacity enough to make sure I get plenty of time for self-care and fun, because if I’m burned out, I won’t be as productive.

Another way I could look at it is to put some (or all) of my self-care practices into my official project plan. (Either way is fine – it just depends on what feels better for you. If you have trouble justifying self-care, maybe it would work better to schedule it into the project plan.)

I can also look at outsourcing some things so that I have more time to spend on the project. Or I could outsource some of the project itself.

How do you feel about planning your project, now that you’ve considered the qualities you want more of?

It feels less restrictive, because I can see that my plan is up to me, and I have options for how to make the process sustainable, even when there are external deadlines. I have a much clearer picture for why I’m planning the way I’m planning. And I didn’t think it would be so easy to bring my chosen qualities into something as technical as project planning.

Until next time…

Maybe we’ll circle back to Necessity. Or maybe we’ll explore project planning a bit more. It’ll be a surprise.

How about you?

What are your chosen qualities? What are some ways you’ll honor them when you’re planning your next project? I’d love to hear about it in the comments!

Liking this series on qualities and applying them to your business and life?

This is exactly the kind of work we’ll be doing in my upcoming course, starting 3/18. It all starts with getting clear on the qualities that are important to you. Then we’ll apply them to your business vision, your expenses and income, and your projects.

You’ll wind up clear on your vision, knowing where you stand financially, and you will plan and implement at least one new offering for your existing business or launch your new business. Tomorrow the price goes up $200, but you can still sign up at the discounted price here.

{ 3 comments }

Is Your Business Not-Quite-Born?

by Victoria on February 8, 2010

I know that last time I said that this time I’d be talking about Necessity. This is not that time. Instead I need to say a couple of things about about my course.

If you’re 100% not interested in the course or whether it might be for you, feel free to skip this one. It’s okay.

Someone emailed me yesterday to ask they were a good fit for my course.

And I realized if one person emailed me to ask, there are probably others out there who are wondering the same thing, but haven’t sent me an email about it.

What’s the question?

Is this course right for me if I have a solid business idea but I’m not yet open for business?

The short answer? Yes.

The long-ish answer…

I’m guessing you were hoping for more than a simple yes or no.

The essence of my course is to help you go from idea to plan to implementation.

It’s about getting clear on what you’re really wanting from your business (and in your life), and creating a plan to get you there.

Clarity and a plan are crucial whether you’re dealing with an old business, a young business, or a not-quite-born business.

And then it hit me. Yes, this course is absolutely for people whose businesses already exist. But what I realize now is that this course is also the one I wished was available to me when I was getting ready to launch my business. I get downright giddy when I think about the kind of difference this course could make in helping people launch a business.

Why is this course so great for people planning to launch their businesses?

The exercises we’ll be doing to develop our vision will help you clarify what you want to offer, so you can put those pieces into your strategic plan. (To get a taste of the process of creating your vision, check out this post.)

It can help you avoid the expensive mistakes so many new entrepreneurs make, because you’ll know where you stand financially before you dive in. You’ll know what it will take to be able to quit that day job, if you’ve got one.

And the work we’ll be doing with creating our own project plans? The launch of your business is your project.

You’ll know very early on what business expenses to budget for, such as a website or equipment, and they’ll be the expenses that directly support your vision, because you’ll already know what’s important to you this year. (I wrote about how our spending can support our vision here.)

Maybe some of you are wondering, “But what if I get stuck?”

I completely relate to that, and have documented it on this very blog. Remember Hedgehog Girl? There’s nothing like a new adventure to bring out our stucknesses and resistance.

Fear is to be expected – you’re venturing into new and unfamiliar territory. And the voices of our inner critics seem to be particularly loud when we’re doing something big like a launching a business. They’ll do what they can to keep us from moving forward, because they think that’s the only way to keep us safe.

That’s part of why I’m offering a private coaching option for the course. Between starting something new and getting clear on our financial needs, Stuff is likely to get triggered. It’s completely normal. The one-on-one sessions are that extra bit of support that can help keep you on track, so you can get that business of yours out into the world where it can help people.

Growth is often uncomfortable and tantrum-inducing. Giving ourselves what we need as we go along makes it less so. Together we’ll be able to address any resistance that comes up.

If you’re ready to take the next 10 months and build a solid foundation for your business idea, learn more and sign up here. The $200 early-bird discount is still available, but only through 2/11.

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Supporting Your Vision Part 2 – Does Your Spending Actually Support Your Vision?

by Victoria on February 7, 2010

Last time, I shared questions to help you explore how you might spend your money to help you bring more of your No-Brainer set of qualities into your life and business.

As promised, today we’ll look at it from the other direction: Looking at the money we spend to see what qualities our choices are increasing (or decreasing).

Still with the big fat caveat

I said it before and I’ll say it again: It’s normal to feel uncomfortable when looking at how we spend our money. Our stuff gets triggered, shoulds get louder, our hindsight tells us we could have done better…it happens to all of us.

We’re just gathering information with no expectation of making changes. So that we can have some clarity around what our money is doing for us in terms of supporting our vision (or taking us away from it).

The questions (with my own answers)

Pick two or three things you currently spend money on regularly, that you believe aren’t necessities. What qualities do they bring or what needs do they fulfill?

Going out to eat and ordering take-out – I guess this brings the qualities of ease and support. It means we don’t have to cook. Perhaps it also brings luxury or, well, whatever the quality is for indulging my sense of taste.

Starbucks – Partly the taste thing again. Sometimes connection when I met people there. But my history with lattes is that they were something I picked up on my way to the office, so it was more about “making up” for the fact that I had to go somewhere I didn’t want to go.

Renting DVDs – It brings fun, sometimes creativity if the movie sparks ideas for me. Connection with my husband when we discuss the movie.

More-than-basic cable & DVR – Sometimes fun. The DVR brings ease (I guess) or efficiency (!), in that we’re not forced to sit through commercials. Connection if we’re watching something together.

What I’m noticing: For all of the items I listed above, I’m feeling like I need to defend the money I spend on them. I also notice that these things can be used for good or for evil. Yes, movies and TV can bring fun and connection, but sometimes I use them to numb out when I’m overwhelmed. Sometimes they bring dis-connection, because it’s passive entertainment.

For the qualities and needs you listed above, what other ways could you receive them while spending less money?

I could replace the ease of ordering out with simple recipes that leave us with a few days of leftovers. Bonus points if the recipe tastes really good. Usually I’m okay with leftovers (even boring ones) because they’re so easy.

I could also start working on my pattern of using TV to numb out when I’m overwhelmed. I’m sure there are much better ways to unwind and recharge, but this is a habit that spans decades, so it might take a while to unravel it all.

I could increase the fun and connection from renting movies with a board game night sometimes.

My Starbucks habit has already dropped off considerably now that I’m not going to an office. Plus, we make really good coffee at home.

Are there better ways to receive those qualities, even if it costs the same or more money?

Note: the point of this question is to encourage you to consider how you’re meeting your needs. Something more expensive might give you a lot more of what you’re wanting, compared to the cheaper thing that only gives you a very small amount.

Instead of reverting to movies and TV together all the time, we could consider signing up for a class together. Swing dancing, or painting. My sense is creating shared experiences would do a lot for increasing the qualities of connection, creativity and fun.

What comes up for you when you think about some of your spending and the ways you could change it?

I see quite a few things that I spend money on due to inertia – it’s easier to just keep it the way it is than to address it.

I’m also noticing that sometimes giving ourselves what we really need and want, rather than choosing the convenient options, is its own form of work. Sad but true.

Now that you’ve explored your spending and the qualities it brings, are there any changes that feel like a “No-Brainer” to you?

I’m definitely going to work on ordering out less, because I realize now that it just doesn’t give me that much of the qualities I’m wanting. I’d like to go from ordering out twice a week to twice a month. I can even try to find some fun recipes to try.

Until next time…

I’m thinking it might be time to talk about that elephant in the room, Necessity.

What about you?

Any aha moments from looking at the qualities your spending is bringing you? Any No-Brainer changes you’d like to make? I’d love to hear about it in the comments. Oh, and feel free to share your No-Brainer recipes that you think I should try!

Enjoying this process of using qualities to direct your investments of time, money and energy? My upcoming course will be using the same approach to help you get clarity and create structure in your business. I’m offering a $200 early-bird discount until February 11. You can get the details here.

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Supporting Your Vision Part 1 – Qualities & Spending

by Victoria on February 5, 2010

Earlier this week, I shared the questions I asked myself when I was trying to come up with my business vision for 2010.

The questions help you to go from the soft of qualities, needs and desires to the hard of how to apply it in the real world. To go from vision to reality. That’s really what my course is about, too.

Last time, we chose projects that would support us in our No-Brainer set of qualities.

Another place we can look at to support our No-Brainer set of qualities is in where we spend our money. We can make spending choices that will support our vision and increase our desired qualities, or that will take us further away from what we really want.

Big fat caveat

Money and spending are areas that can be full of triggers for people. Sometimes there’s shame and fear and avoidance.

It’s okay.

It’s important to treat this exercise as information gathering. You have my permission to look at it but not change anything you’re doing at the moment. In fact, I really don’t want you to think about changing anything right now.

Because this absolutely is not about whipping your spending into shape or cutting all the fun out of your life because it costs money.

This is simply about noticing. Exploring the idea that some small changes could make a big impact in your sense that you really can bring your vision into reality (which is all about clarity and sovereignty).

Once you’re clear about what you’re spending and why, you might find that some things are easy to change. But you won’t know until you get clear first.

Two ways to look at spending

When looking at where your money is going, or could go, it’s helpful to consider it from two directions.

1. From Qualities to Spending – What kinds of things could I put my money toward that would increase the qualities I’m wanting? (If you don’t know why I keep mentioning “qualities”, reading this post should help.)

2. From Spending to Qualities – What qualities are the things I currently invest in bringing? Are there better ways to bring those qualities into my life?

And for the purposes of this exercise, it’s going to be easier if you start with non-essential spending – entertainment, for example. But this exercise could be used for non-essential business spending, too. (Which begs the question, “What qualifies as essential?” But I’m not going there today.)

Today’s post will focus on going from Qualities to Spending.

Questions you can ask yourself (with my own answers)

What are the qualities you want more of?

For me, it was Connection, Creativity, Fun, Stability, Safety and Sovereignty.

What are you currently investing in that increases those qualities?

My work with Hiro definitely helps with a lot of the qualities – especially in learning how to increase my sense of sovereignty and safety as I navigate this entrepreneurial adventure. It’s a huge part of my self-care and my business-care.

Being a member of the Havi’s Kitchen Table program increases connection (among other things) for me.

What other things, if you chose to spend money on them, would bring more of those qualities into your life?

In my personal life, I’m thinking about some kind of artsy class I could get involved in, which would (in theory) increase connection, fun and creativity.

For my business, I could join a paid membership site in hopes of increasing connection, but that doesn’t feel like what I actually need to do right now.

I’ve also considered increasing connection by investing in a video camera to record video blog posts.

Sidebar: If you listed Support as one of your qualities, you might think in terms of hiring a VA for your business. Expansion and Flow are other qualities that might increase by outsourcing some of your work.

Of the spending you listed (both current and potential), which ones make you feel excited? Where do you feel you’re getting (or would get) the most bang for your buck?

What I’m noticing is that the things I’m most excited about are the things I’m already doing – hanging out at the Kitchen Table and working with Hiro.

When I think about the potential options of taking an art class or buying a video camera, I feel some resistance come up.

For the class, I need to figure out my No-Brainer Scenario and turn that into a Very Personal Ad to help me find it, so that I don’t get bogged down in why it won’t work.

For the video camera, I think I was more excited about video posts a couple of months ago, for whatever reason. The idea probably came up now because I was remembering that I was excited about it.

I’m noticing that most of the qualities that I’m wanting in my business aren’t things I can buy right now. They’re things I need to create. I’m going to ponder that some more, especially if I get tempted to buy another information product.

Until next time…

We’ll see what comes up when I look at my actual spending and ask what qualities it brings or what needs it helps to meet.

What about you?

I’d love for you to come play by answering the questions in the comments. What are the qualities you’re wanting more of? What could you spend your money on to help increase them in your life and business?

Enjoying this process of using qualities to direct your investments of time, money and energy? My upcoming course will be using the same approach to help you get clarity and create structure in your business. I’m offering a $200 early-bird discount until February 11. You can get the details here.

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