Oof

by Victoria on March 8, 2010

I’m tired of looking at my site and seeing that I haven’t written a post in nearly a month. A month, people!

So, I’m posting.

It’s kind of a placeholder. Just a post to say I’ve posted, so that I feel less pressure. You know, the pressure to actually write something, when (as you’ll see below) I really didn’t feel like writing.

The last three+ weeks have been pretty hellish. But not in an outward way, exactly. It’s been more of an internal hellishness.

I’m still processing my way through it, but there were two big things happening.

1. I launched my course, and it did not go nearly as well as I’d hoped.
2. Thanks to some medication I’m taking, I’ve had full-blown PMS for over a month.

Each of those two things, on their own, would have sucked big time, but together? Oof.

The timing is almost comical, really.

Putting oneself out there is hard enough. And not getting the desired response is easy to take personally. Or maybe that’s just me (but I don’t really believe that).

Sure, intellectually, I know that when you’re in business, sometimes you try things and they don’t take off. And you just have to troubleshoot and try again.

Easier said than done.

Lots of my patterns and Stuff were triggered, including my Tendency to Set Overly High Expectations, my Need to Place Blame Somewhere, and my Tendency to Say “Fuck It” and Go into Hiding.

But then, to top it off, the hormonal depression was magnifying all of it by a factor of 1000. I didn’t know that was part of the problem until I’d been utterly useless for two weeks straight and kept wondering why the hell I wasn’t feeling any better.

Maybe this is starting to sound like a load of excuses. But now that I’m starting to feel functional again – and like “me” – it’s more obvious how much I was “not me” while I was trying to work through this.

It’s impossible to know how much of how I handled it was because of my hormonal state, and how much was my “normal” reaction, because I can’t have a do-over of this experience minus the hormonal upheaval.

Either way, I’m feeling disappointed with myself for how I responded to this whole situation. And, truthfully, it would be comforting to know that the magnitude of my tantrums was at least partly out of my control.

Anyway…

I’ve been trying to address the patterns and the emotions with compassion, which hasn’t been easy. Especially when underneath them there’s a belief that I shouldn’t be feeling this way.

I’m working on reminding myself that none of this reflects on my ability to help people, even though my monsters are trying to convince me otherwise.

And working on being okay with feeling what I feel about this. Because lord knows I’d much rather have been able to Just Get Over It and Move On.

And I’ve been re-evaluating what’s next. Trying to find what’s real and true beneath the hurt, so that I can exercise my sovereignty, rather than making choices based on what my Stuff is whispering yelling in my ear. For now that means postponing my course for a couple of months, until I can get clear on what I need and what it needs.

This is one of those posts that is terrifying to publish. Feels a bit whiny, and maybe a tad defensive (which just goes to show that I’m still resisting some of my emotions).

But it would feel dishonest to go back to writing as though everything is fine. I’ve been transparent, so far, about this whole transition from not knowing what I want, to owning my desire to be a coach, to launching my practice, to quitting my job.

How could I not be transparent about the reality of launching a creation, having Stuff get triggered, and trying to deal with it while also dealing with meat-suit issues and the Usual Pressures of Running a Business?

It’s all learning. Or so I’ve heard. Launch let-down wisdom still TBD.

Today’s comment zen:

I’d love to hear about it if you can relate. But for the love of the gods, please do not make suggestions about what I should have done differently in terms of my launch or my sales page or my pricing. So help me, I will kick you in the shins. This is an advice-free zone.

Because that’s not what this is about. This is about acknowledging the aftermath of our Stuff getting triggered when we do something new and things don’t go as planned.

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Intro to Shmorian Project Planning & the Qualities

by Victoria on February 11, 2010

Yes, two posts ago, I said the next post would be about Necessity. This is still not that post. We’ll come back to that.

Today, I wanted to talk about how our No-Brainer set of qualities can help us in planning our projects. And how we can plan projects in ways that bring more of those qualities into our lives.

When I’m planning a project for my business (or helping someone else plan), there are some very basic questions to answer.

Shmorian* Project Planning in under 1.25 tweets

What is the goal of the project?
What are the steps involved?
How long will the steps take (individually and in total)?
Are there any externally-imposed deadlines?
Most importantly: What is my capacity?

Once you have the answers to those questions, you can create your project plan. (Yes, there’s a bit more to it than that, but not nearly as much as you’d think.)

* “Shmorian” is a reference to my Twitter handle victoriashmoria. Friends often refer to me as Ms. Shmoria or even just Shmoria. Are we following each other, yet?

A few words on Capacity

Capacity is the thing that lets your plan be sane and sustainable. It simply means “the amount of time I have available to invest in this project.”

If you’ve got 10 hours a week to put toward the Thing you’re trying to do or create, and the steps you need to complete will take you a total of 100 hours, you’re looking at about 10 weeks to complete the project.

Capacities vary from person-to-person. And from project-to-project. Because it all depends on whose life we’re talking about, and what that person has on their plate at the time they’re planning.

100% capacity does not mean you have 24 hours a day to work on something. You have to account for sleep. And eating. Possibly a day job. Driving your kids to school and soccer practice and piano lessons. And don’t forget about transition time – nobody pulls into the garage and walks straight to their desk to be productive.

If you’re not realistic about what your capacity is, you will either lose a lot of sleep making up for it, or you won’t complete the project when you thought you would. It just doesn’t pay to set your capacity higher than what you can reasonably handle.

But what does this have to do with the Qualities?

Here are some questions (with my answers) to get you thinking in terms of applying your No-Brainer qualities to planning a project.

What are the qualities you’re wanting more of?

As mentioned previously, mine are Connection, Creativity, Fun, Stability, Safety and Sovereignty.

How can you infuse the goal of your project with your chosen qualities?

For the sake of the example, we’ll say that the goal of my project is to create a six-week group teleclass.

A lot of the qualities (connection, creativity) will be there by virtue of the connection brought by a group class, and the creativity required to develop the material.

I could increase safety by offering the class as a beta program to a selected group of people.

How can you infuse the steps with the qualities?

Safety and Stability could come from making sure I break down the entire project into very manageable pieces – maybe even making sure each step will take no more than 2 – 4 hours. That way, every day I’m likely to have at least a couple of things I can check off my list, so I’ll see steady progress.

How can you infuse your time estimates with the qualities?

Again, I can really increase stability and safety by being conservative with my estimates. It’s much better to overestimate how long something will take. And then add an Oh Shit Factor of 10 or even 20% of the time I’ve estimated for each task, so if something takes longer than expected, I’m not instantly running behind.

How can you honor your chosen qualities if there are external deadlines?

This one’s a little trickier. Let’s say I wanted to announce my course on a particular date, say at a conference or some other workshop. I don’t have the luxury of changing someone else’s workshop date.

This is where sovereignty and safety come in.

Maybe I can develop the course just enough to announce it. Not everything has to be complete before I announce the program.

Another way sovereignty can come in is with my own priorities. If I choose to move forward with announcing the class on a particular date, I can also try to take some lower priority items off my plate. And say no to additional opportunities.

I could also change the amount of material I want to cover. Maybe I make it a three-part course instead of six, so that it’s easier to complete on time.

Or I can check in with myself and see that this external deadline, although appealing, just isn’t reasonable, and I can say no.

How can I infuse my capacity with my chosen qualities?

Safety and sovereignty are huge, here. (So are support and flow, if those were among your chosen qualities.)

This is where being realistic about my capacity becomes absolutely critical.

I can decrease my capacity enough to make sure I get plenty of time for self-care and fun, because if I’m burned out, I won’t be as productive.

Another way I could look at it is to put some (or all) of my self-care practices into my official project plan. (Either way is fine – it just depends on what feels better for you. If you have trouble justifying self-care, maybe it would work better to schedule it into the project plan.)

I can also look at outsourcing some things so that I have more time to spend on the project. Or I could outsource some of the project itself.

How do you feel about planning your project, now that you’ve considered the qualities you want more of?

It feels less restrictive, because I can see that my plan is up to me, and I have options for how to make the process sustainable, even when there are external deadlines. I have a much clearer picture for why I’m planning the way I’m planning. And I didn’t think it would be so easy to bring my chosen qualities into something as technical as project planning.

Until next time…

Maybe we’ll circle back to Necessity. Or maybe we’ll explore project planning a bit more. It’ll be a surprise.

How about you?

What are your chosen qualities? What are some ways you’ll honor them when you’re planning your next project? I’d love to hear about it in the comments!

Liking this series on qualities and applying them to your business and life?

This is exactly the kind of work we’ll be doing in my upcoming course, starting 3/18. It all starts with getting clear on the qualities that are important to you. Then we’ll apply them to your business vision, your expenses and income, and your projects.

You’ll wind up clear on your vision, knowing where you stand financially, and you will plan and implement at least one new offering for your existing business or launch your new business. Tomorrow the price goes up $200, but you can still sign up at the discounted price here.

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Is Your Business Not-Quite-Born?

by Victoria on February 8, 2010

I know that last time I said that this time I’d be talking about Necessity. This is not that time. Instead I need to say a couple of things about about my course.

If you’re 100% not interested in the course or whether it might be for you, feel free to skip this one. It’s okay.

Someone emailed me yesterday to ask they were a good fit for my course.

And I realized if one person emailed me to ask, there are probably others out there who are wondering the same thing, but haven’t sent me an email about it.

What’s the question?

Is this course right for me if I have a solid business idea but I’m not yet open for business?

The short answer? Yes.

The long-ish answer…

I’m guessing you were hoping for more than a simple yes or no.

The essence of my course is to help you go from idea to plan to implementation.

It’s about getting clear on what you’re really wanting from your business (and in your life), and creating a plan to get you there.

Clarity and a plan are crucial whether you’re dealing with an old business, a young business, or a not-quite-born business.

And then it hit me. Yes, this course is absolutely for people whose businesses already exist. But what I realize now is that this course is also the one I wished was available to me when I was getting ready to launch my business. I get downright giddy when I think about the kind of difference this course could make in helping people launch a business.

Why is this course so great for people planning to launch their businesses?

The exercises we’ll be doing to develop our vision will help you clarify what you want to offer, so you can put those pieces into your strategic plan. (To get a taste of the process of creating your vision, check out this post.)

It can help you avoid the expensive mistakes so many new entrepreneurs make, because you’ll know where you stand financially before you dive in. You’ll know what it will take to be able to quit that day job, if you’ve got one.

And the work we’ll be doing with creating our own project plans? The launch of your business is your project.

You’ll know very early on what business expenses to budget for, such as a website or equipment, and they’ll be the expenses that directly support your vision, because you’ll already know what’s important to you this year. (I wrote about how our spending can support our vision here.)

Maybe some of you are wondering, “But what if I get stuck?”

I completely relate to that, and have documented it on this very blog. Remember Hedgehog Girl? There’s nothing like a new adventure to bring out our stucknesses and resistance.

Fear is to be expected – you’re venturing into new and unfamiliar territory. And the voices of our inner critics seem to be particularly loud when we’re doing something big like a launching a business. They’ll do what they can to keep us from moving forward, because they think that’s the only way to keep us safe.

That’s part of why I’m offering a private coaching option for the course. Between starting something new and getting clear on our financial needs, Stuff is likely to get triggered. It’s completely normal. The one-on-one sessions are that extra bit of support that can help keep you on track, so you can get that business of yours out into the world where it can help people.

Growth is often uncomfortable and tantrum-inducing. Giving ourselves what we need as we go along makes it less so. Together we’ll be able to address any resistance that comes up.

If you’re ready to take the next 10 months and build a solid foundation for your business idea, learn more and sign up here. The $200 early-bird discount is still available, but only through 2/11.

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Supporting Your Vision Part 2 – Does Your Spending Actually Support Your Vision?

by Victoria on February 7, 2010

Last time, I shared questions to help you explore how you might spend your money to help you bring more of your No-Brainer set of qualities into your life and business.

As promised, today we’ll look at it from the other direction: Looking at the money we spend to see what qualities our choices are increasing (or decreasing).

Still with the big fat caveat

I said it before and I’ll say it again: It’s normal to feel uncomfortable when looking at how we spend our money. Our stuff gets triggered, shoulds get louder, our hindsight tells us we could have done better…it happens to all of us.

We’re just gathering information with no expectation of making changes. So that we can have some clarity around what our money is doing for us in terms of supporting our vision (or taking us away from it).

The questions (with my own answers)

Pick two or three things you currently spend money on regularly, that you believe aren’t necessities. What qualities do they bring or what needs do they fulfill?

Going out to eat and ordering take-out – I guess this brings the qualities of ease and support. It means we don’t have to cook. Perhaps it also brings luxury or, well, whatever the quality is for indulging my sense of taste.

Starbucks – Partly the taste thing again. Sometimes connection when I met people there. But my history with lattes is that they were something I picked up on my way to the office, so it was more about “making up” for the fact that I had to go somewhere I didn’t want to go.

Renting DVDs – It brings fun, sometimes creativity if the movie sparks ideas for me. Connection with my husband when we discuss the movie.

More-than-basic cable & DVR – Sometimes fun. The DVR brings ease (I guess) or efficiency (!), in that we’re not forced to sit through commercials. Connection if we’re watching something together.

What I’m noticing: For all of the items I listed above, I’m feeling like I need to defend the money I spend on them. I also notice that these things can be used for good or for evil. Yes, movies and TV can bring fun and connection, but sometimes I use them to numb out when I’m overwhelmed. Sometimes they bring dis-connection, because it’s passive entertainment.

For the qualities and needs you listed above, what other ways could you receive them while spending less money?

I could replace the ease of ordering out with simple recipes that leave us with a few days of leftovers. Bonus points if the recipe tastes really good. Usually I’m okay with leftovers (even boring ones) because they’re so easy.

I could also start working on my pattern of using TV to numb out when I’m overwhelmed. I’m sure there are much better ways to unwind and recharge, but this is a habit that spans decades, so it might take a while to unravel it all.

I could increase the fun and connection from renting movies with a board game night sometimes.

My Starbucks habit has already dropped off considerably now that I’m not going to an office. Plus, we make really good coffee at home.

Are there better ways to receive those qualities, even if it costs the same or more money?

Note: the point of this question is to encourage you to consider how you’re meeting your needs. Something more expensive might give you a lot more of what you’re wanting, compared to the cheaper thing that only gives you a very small amount.

Instead of reverting to movies and TV together all the time, we could consider signing up for a class together. Swing dancing, or painting. My sense is creating shared experiences would do a lot for increasing the qualities of connection, creativity and fun.

What comes up for you when you think about some of your spending and the ways you could change it?

I see quite a few things that I spend money on due to inertia – it’s easier to just keep it the way it is than to address it.

I’m also noticing that sometimes giving ourselves what we really need and want, rather than choosing the convenient options, is its own form of work. Sad but true.

Now that you’ve explored your spending and the qualities it brings, are there any changes that feel like a “No-Brainer” to you?

I’m definitely going to work on ordering out less, because I realize now that it just doesn’t give me that much of the qualities I’m wanting. I’d like to go from ordering out twice a week to twice a month. I can even try to find some fun recipes to try.

Until next time…

I’m thinking it might be time to talk about that elephant in the room, Necessity.

What about you?

Any aha moments from looking at the qualities your spending is bringing you? Any No-Brainer changes you’d like to make? I’d love to hear about it in the comments. Oh, and feel free to share your No-Brainer recipes that you think I should try!

Enjoying this process of using qualities to direct your investments of time, money and energy? My upcoming course will be using the same approach to help you get clarity and create structure in your business. I’m offering a $200 early-bird discount until February 11. You can get the details here.

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Supporting Your Vision Part 1 – Qualities & Spending

by Victoria on February 5, 2010

Earlier this week, I shared the questions I asked myself when I was trying to come up with my business vision for 2010.

The questions help you to go from the soft of qualities, needs and desires to the hard of how to apply it in the real world. To go from vision to reality. That’s really what my course is about, too.

Last time, we chose projects that would support us in our No-Brainer set of qualities.

Another place we can look at to support our No-Brainer set of qualities is in where we spend our money. We can make spending choices that will support our vision and increase our desired qualities, or that will take us further away from what we really want.

Big fat caveat

Money and spending are areas that can be full of triggers for people. Sometimes there’s shame and fear and avoidance.

It’s okay.

It’s important to treat this exercise as information gathering. You have my permission to look at it but not change anything you’re doing at the moment. In fact, I really don’t want you to think about changing anything right now.

Because this absolutely is not about whipping your spending into shape or cutting all the fun out of your life because it costs money.

This is simply about noticing. Exploring the idea that some small changes could make a big impact in your sense that you really can bring your vision into reality (which is all about clarity and sovereignty).

Once you’re clear about what you’re spending and why, you might find that some things are easy to change. But you won’t know until you get clear first.

Two ways to look at spending

When looking at where your money is going, or could go, it’s helpful to consider it from two directions.

1. From Qualities to Spending – What kinds of things could I put my money toward that would increase the qualities I’m wanting? (If you don’t know why I keep mentioning “qualities”, reading this post should help.)

2. From Spending to Qualities – What qualities are the things I currently invest in bringing? Are there better ways to bring those qualities into my life?

And for the purposes of this exercise, it’s going to be easier if you start with non-essential spending – entertainment, for example. But this exercise could be used for non-essential business spending, too. (Which begs the question, “What qualifies as essential?” But I’m not going there today.)

Today’s post will focus on going from Qualities to Spending.

Questions you can ask yourself (with my own answers)

What are the qualities you want more of?

For me, it was Connection, Creativity, Fun, Stability, Safety and Sovereignty.

What are you currently investing in that increases those qualities?

My work with Hiro definitely helps with a lot of the qualities – especially in learning how to increase my sense of sovereignty and safety as I navigate this entrepreneurial adventure. It’s a huge part of my self-care and my business-care.

Being a member of the Havi’s Kitchen Table program increases connection (among other things) for me.

What other things, if you chose to spend money on them, would bring more of those qualities into your life?

In my personal life, I’m thinking about some kind of artsy class I could get involved in, which would (in theory) increase connection, fun and creativity.

For my business, I could join a paid membership site in hopes of increasing connection, but that doesn’t feel like what I actually need to do right now.

I’ve also considered increasing connection by investing in a video camera to record video blog posts.

Sidebar: If you listed Support as one of your qualities, you might think in terms of hiring a VA for your business. Expansion and Flow are other qualities that might increase by outsourcing some of your work.

Of the spending you listed (both current and potential), which ones make you feel excited? Where do you feel you’re getting (or would get) the most bang for your buck?

What I’m noticing is that the things I’m most excited about are the things I’m already doing – hanging out at the Kitchen Table and working with Hiro.

When I think about the potential options of taking an art class or buying a video camera, I feel some resistance come up.

For the class, I need to figure out my No-Brainer Scenario and turn that into a Very Personal Ad to help me find it, so that I don’t get bogged down in why it won’t work.

For the video camera, I think I was more excited about video posts a couple of months ago, for whatever reason. The idea probably came up now because I was remembering that I was excited about it.

I’m noticing that most of the qualities that I’m wanting in my business aren’t things I can buy right now. They’re things I need to create. I’m going to ponder that some more, especially if I get tempted to buy another information product.

Until next time…

We’ll see what comes up when I look at my actual spending and ask what qualities it brings or what needs it helps to meet.

What about you?

I’d love for you to come play by answering the questions in the comments. What are the qualities you’re wanting more of? What could you spend your money on to help increase them in your life and business?

Enjoying this process of using qualities to direct your investments of time, money and energy? My upcoming course will be using the same approach to help you get clarity and create structure in your business. I’m offering a $200 early-bird discount until February 11. You can get the details here.

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This Might Sound Crazy But…

by Victoria on February 4, 2010

I’m going to share something kinda kooky with you. Because we’re friends, and I’m always kooky with friends.

Well, I’m always goofy with friends. Not always kooky.

In fact, I feel a little weird about posting this, because it’s not at all what I expected it to be.

But one of the big things I’m trying to learn right now is self-trust. And how to lean on my intuition (or whatever you’d like to call that spidey-sense that sometimes tells us things we don’t expect to hear).

So I’m taking what feels like a big risk and posting this in spite of my doubts. It’s an experiment. And if nothing else I’m modeling taking risks and experimenting, right? Right?

Off we go…

Ever since I started developing my course, I’ve been meditating on it. Talking to it. Hanging out with it.

Today the conversation went something like this…

Me: What do my Right People need from me in order to find you?
The Course: Reassurance.
Me: Help me understand that.
The Course: They feel bad for not already knowing the stuff they’ll be learning.
Me: Ohhh. What’s the best way to reassure them?
The Course: …
Me: Can you show me a symbol or a word or something?
The Course: They want to feel safe.
Me: Safe?
The Course: Safe with you.
Me: How do I do that? I can’t tell them, “I used to not know how to do this and felt out of control in my business until I learned how to do this and now I can teach you.” My brain thinks in ways that make spreadsheets and planning relatively easy.
The Course: But it’s okay for them not to know.
Me: Of course it is.
The Course: Tell them they can learn.

And then I started in with my analyzer, thinking this was not worthy of a blog post.

Me: Hmmm…can we come back to this? I need to just explore whether maybe there’s some other thing I need to do right now. Like Monday’s post where I gave people some questions they could answer. Is there something we could do that’s similar to that?
The Course: Reassurance.
Me: But…
The Course: Reassurance.

So there it is. I still feel stumped as to how to convey reassurance about this other than to just say it.

It’s okay not to know how to budget and forecast and create project plans. If you knew this stuff, you wouldn’t need this course.

It’s okay if you feel as though you’re flying by the seat of your pants most of the time. There’s no such thing as feeling 100% in control. Certainly not as an entrepreneur. But I can help you feel more in control.

It’s okay to mostly know how to plan projects and keep track of your business numbers but not want to do it. A little accountability can go a long way.

It’s okay if you’ve been afraid to look at your finances. And if you don’t really know how much money is coming in or going out.

Nobody will laugh at you or judge you for what you don’t know or for what you haven’t been doing. Even if you feel as though you’ve been in business long enough to “know better.”

This isn’t about correcting you or telling you how to do it right after you’ve been doing it wrong. It’s about feeling safe and supported in your business because you know where you want to go and you have a plan for how to get there.

I will teach you this process in the simplest, gentlest way possible. We will all be there to support each other as we go.

You can learn this.
Without tearing your hair out and working crazy hours.
Without subjecting yourself to esoteric jargon and convoluted methods.
It really is possible to build a solid foundation for your business.

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Four No-Brainer Questions (and the Unveiling)

by Victoria on February 1, 2010

Last week I held my first free teleclass, about the No-Brainer Scenario technique. I’m sure some of you were there or have since listened to the recording. (You can still get the recording here.)

I had a blast in spite of my nervousness.

One of the things I shared was how to use the technique when you’re not considering a specific opportunity or decision.

I’ve been using this process for myself a lot lately, especially in terms of what I want this year to look like.

It’s a big question, because it’s up to me, and is limited only by where I decide to invest my energy. For me, that’s a recipe for instant stuckness and overwhelm.

So I used the technique to help me narrow down all the different directions I could go, to let the ones I really care about bubble up to the top.

Here are the questions I asked myself to help get a vision for 2010:

The questions – with my own answers

What qualities would help you get that No-Brainer, “Hell yeah!” feeling about 2010?

Connection
Creativity
Fun
Stability
Safety
Sovereignty

Of those qualities, which ones can your business help you with? For each of them, describe how your business might help bring more of those qualities into your life.

Connection – reach more people through my blog and classes

Creativity – develop new ways to help my Right People see that it really is possible to have work that they love; incorporate other types of creative activities such as movement and art into my teaching

Fun – this one’s tough…I guess my business could help me have more fun by helping me reshape my beliefs about work – that it doesn’t have to be unpleasant and overly challenging.

Stability – find ways to make the income from my business more steady

Safety – balance periods of growth with periods of rest (which is really more about how I conduct and interact with my business)

Sovereignty – Okay, I’m going to be totally honest and say that I’m still pondering this. I’m not sure how my business will support this. My business, if nothing else, will certainly offer me lots of opportunities to practice exercising my sovereignty.

For the things you described above, what are some ideas for projects, activities or practices that you could explore to accomplish those things?

Reaching more people – continue hanging out on Twitter; increase blog post frequency; offer more group classes

Developing steady income – create courses and products that can be offered regularly and more frequently

Balancing growth with rest – practice planning ahead and building rest into the project plan so that it’s more sustainable (I’ve been seeing lately that if I don’t replenish after a period of growth, I’m pretty useless)

Practicing sovereignty – practice tuning in to my own “inner knowing” and getting clear on that before asking others for their opinions (this might mean scheduling time in my project plans for getting quiet)

There will be some overlap as far as what qualities will increase with which projects. Are there any projects that give you more of the qualities than others?

I see more overlap than I expected. When I look at my list, I can see that developing group classes and increasing how often I post on my blog will help me with almost all of the qualities I’m looking for this year.

See what just happened?

I can see that group classes and blogging are important pieces of my business to focus on this year, because they’ll bring me the qualities I want.

Granted, there’s more work to be done with these questions, but this did not take me very long once I sat down to think about it. If you’re not used to listening to your own heart to find out what you want, it might take a little longer. It gets easier with practice.

By using the qualities I want to help me find projects to focus on, I completely avoided the “blank page” syndrome of not knowing how to begin planning my year.

Plus, by getting clear on my desired qualities, I have information I can apply to my life in general, not just my business. It allows me to align my business with my life, and not the other way around.

Some other thoughts

As you can imagine, you can apply this process to lots of things…not just a year. It could be a different time frame, or you could gear it toward relationships or a career change. The process is still the same – you’re looking for the set of qualities that give you a light, expansive, “hell yeah!” feeling about whatever you’re considering.

The answers aren’t set in concrete. They can change as your needs and desires change.

And, of course, this is just the beginning of the process. But by approaching what you want from the perspective of the qualities you want and need, you can choose projects that have those qualities.

What I just showed you – this process of going from qualities to specific ideas – is exactly the kind of work we’ll be doing in my new course. We’ll spend ten months together helping you to get clear and create the structures your business needs in order to be able to support you, from vision to plan to implementation.

The course starts February 18, and there are only ten spots so that I can provide plenty of individual attention. (Yep, I’m offering an early bird price, and it’s available until I go to bed on February 11.)

You can get all the details here.

How about you?

What qualities are you wanting more of this year? How can your business (or whatever your focus is) help support you in increasing those qualities?

I’d love to hear about it in the comments!

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Quitting the Man: 85 Days Since Freedom

by Victoria on January 22, 2010

Time for another at-irregular-intervals update on what’s been happening since I quit my job.

My last update was technically last year. Feels weird to say that. What’s even weirder is that we’re fast approaching the end of the first month of 2010.

And it’s been almost three months since I quit. Weird.

Knitting

There was knitting that happened regularly for a while, but I haven’t picked it up in at least a week.

Time management stuff

There was a span of about a week where I was doing actual pomodoros. With a timer and everything. I even got away from the computer for my breaks.

It was pretty amazing and I felt incredibly productive.

But I haven’t done a real pomodoro in at least a week now.

It appears that pomodoros only work for me (or I’ll only submit to doing them) if I have certain kinds of work to do. And very little stuckness about said work.

Good information to have, but I’m not sure what it all means or what to do about it, yet.

Somebody get me a midwife

I’ve been working and working and working on my new course.

I’m super excited about it, but I’m also exhausted. And frustrated. And tired of thinking about it and looking at it and massaging it.

I want to get this thing out into the world where it belongs.

Oh the horror

(Said while channeling my inner Marlon Brando.)

How to have your stuff come up in one easy step: Take a stand and claim that you can help someone in a particular way.

Enter the voices:

This will never work.
Who the hell do you think you are?
Everyone will hate you.

And don’t get me started on the needing of hand-holding and wanting people to tell me what to do, how to do it and when to do it.

It’s as though I go into shut-down mode and can’t think for myself at all.

Picture a three year-old in desparate need of a nap:

But what do I doooo neeeext?
How much should I chaaaaaarge?
How do I make sure the right people sign uuuuuup?
Why isn’t anyone asking for my Thing even though they don’t know what it iiiiiiiiiiiis?

Also, cue the Waiting.

I know my stuff is trying to protect me. And I know that this sense of desperately needing answers is really about wanting safety.

Maybe soon I’ll write more about the whole safety thing. But right now, I just want to kick my stuff in the nuts.

Putting it all together

Once I was oscillating between making great progress on my course and getting completely stuck and anxious about it, I got really bad with the self-care.

Not going outside. Staying at the computer for waaaay too many hours per day. Not allowing myself time to relax or even go for a hike.

My back had been feeling great, and now my right hip is very unhappy.

I pushed it all aside because I would get to a certain point on my course page and think, “This is so close to finished, if I push a little longer, I can send this information out today.”

But then I’d hit another layer of stuckness about it, and I’d try to push through then and there, or the next day.

The answer seems obvious: Don’t give up the self-care when you’re creating something new.

But believing (even mistakenly) that I’m so close to finishing makes it hard to just stop.

I want to do this right (where “right” means giving the course the best possible chance of success), but I’m also feeling like I just want to get it done, consequences be damned.

The cost of creation

Perhaps the most interesting part of this course-creation process is that I feel really drained much of the time.

It’s as though this is the first time I’m really tapping into (and using up) my creative energy. Apparently I don’t have good ways to replenish the supply, either.

And this creates its own sense of frustration, because I have less energy for hanging out on Twitter and commenting on blogs that I love.

It signals growth, I suppose, but it still makes me a little sad.

Ack, another downer update

Yes, it’s been challenging and often infuriating. But also really fascinating. I’m about to embark on all this new stuff, like a group class, and next week I’ll hold my first ever free call.

Things are moving rapidly in between the bouts of stuck, which is pretty cool.

Has the reality of this change set in, yet?

On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being “fully aware of this new reality,” I’d have to give the last couple weeks a 5 (slight uptick from last time).

Starting a huge project really let me feel like I am a business owner. Making something happen rather than waiting for something to happen.

This is the most excited and in control I’ve felt since my self-employment began.

Quick reminder

I linked to it above, but I’ll mention it again. My free call about the No-Brainer Scenario decision-making tool is next week on Tuesday 1/26 at 12pm Pacific. You can read the announcement and sign up here, or you can just sign up to get the call in info and recording here.

Looking forward to hanging out with bunches of you!

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Clarity, Sovereignty and the No-Brainer Scenario

by Victoria on January 18, 2010

Waaay back at the beginning of September, I wrote about the No-Brainer Scenario.

It was one of those posts that I thought might be helpful for people. I wasn’t sure but I posted it anyway.

It has since turned out to be the most popular post on my blog, ever. By a lot. Which just shows that sometimes we know something so well that it doesn’t seem like it’s even a thing. A thing that – whoa! – can help lots of people.

After doing a call about it for Havi’s Kitchen Table group in November, I began to see that finding the No-Brainer Scenario for something is a great way to find clarity.

And that finding clarity within yourself is a step toward sovereignty – that quality of being able to be fully You despite what’s happening around you and what others expect of you. (You can get a recording of the ever-so-wise Hiro discussing the concept here. And Havi has talked about it here.)

Once you are clear within yourself about what you want and what you don’t want, you can go about enforcing it.

But clarity isn’t just about sovereignty. It’s also a foundational step toward creation. I began to see the No-Brainer Scenario as a creation tool, because how can you create what you want to create before you know what you want?

Meanwhile, back at the ranch…

A few weeks ago, I started thinking about what I wanted this year to look like for my baby biz and for me. And I also started pondering what I want to share with my people, what I’m excited to teach right now.

My background in software development means I have a lot of experience in creating plans for projects. I’ve also done lots of geeky stuff with spreadsheets and budgets and forecasts.

I can teach people how to do those things. But in a lighter, simpler way that won’t cause eyes to glaze over.

I have a knack for helping people get clear on whatever is muddy. And for helping people put some structure around and beneath the ideas they have percolating in their heads. For helping them take those big, overwhelming projects and create plans that they can follow successfully.

So I’ve been pouring my love, energy and time into developing a small-group program to help you get clear on your vision for 2010 (specifically, what you want to happen in your business), and to teach you how to develop structured, grounded-in-reality plans to bring your vision to life.

What does this have to do with the No-Brainer Scenario?

The course I’m putting together starts by helping you get clear on what you want to accomplish this year, and we’ll be using the No-Brainer Scenario technique as a way to do that.

No-Brainer Scenario Logo

I’m still finalizing the course details (it’s currently scheduled to start on 2/11), but in the meantime, I’m holding a free call about using the No-Brainer Scenario to find clarity. We’ll talk about how you can use it when you don’t know whether to say yes or no to particular decisions, and how to use it when you’re just not sure what you want.

There will be plenty of time for questions, so we can even work on finding No-Brainer Scenarios for your real-life situations.

When: Tuesday, January 26, 12pm – 1pm Pacific time
Where: By phone (you can wear your jammies if you want!)
Cost: Nothing but long-distance charges to dial in


Can’t make the call? I’ll send you the link to the recording once it’s available.

You can sign up for the call here.

(That new brainy logo up there? It was designed by the amazing Eileen Corrigan Valazza. I am ridiculously excited about it. Thanks, Eileen!!)

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Noticings on the Hiking Trail and Elsewhere

by Victoria on January 7, 2010

Warning: Post sans point ahead.

I’ve been very aware of certain patterns, lately. When I started writing about them, I hoped I’d have some awesome realization about what it all means, but alas, I have many questions and no real answers. Yet.

But I figured why not share anyway?

Ready? Commence brain dump!

Pattern #1 – Doing things to the extreme

I’ve been trying to get outside more lately, to try to take real breaks instead of the half-assed periods-of-rest that aren’t really restful at all.

Being at the computer during “break time” isn’t restful. I wish it were, because oh the convenience, but it isn’t.

So I’ve been trying to go hiking a few times a week. There’s a beautiful park with trails about 10 minutes from our house.

But what I’ve noticed is that when I’m on the mountain (okay, mountain might be a bit generous, but it’s definitely bigger and steeper than a hill) is that I’m not really enjoying it. Well, I am but I’m not.

I find myself thinking the following:

How far can I get this time?
How fast can I go this time?
Can I make it all the way up to the top?
It’s already been 25 minutes…should I head back now or try to get a little closer to the top?
Uh oh, there’s someone coming up behind me. I don’t want to have to get out of their way yet, so I’d better speed up.

What this all adds up to is that even though I’m doing good things for myself by getting away from the computer, and getting some solitude, I’m not necessarily doing these things in a healthy way.

Is it really beneficial if I’m trying to power up the mountain and See What I Can Accomplish?

Pattern #2 – All activity must produce something

I guess the noticings while hiking reminded me of other attempts at hobbies.

Back before I knew I wanted to be a coach, I started making beaded jewelry.

But somehow that wasn’t challenging enough, so I had to start making the glass beads, themselves.

I got quite good at it, and really enjoyed it, but it was also about continuing to push myself and get better.

There was always a next step, and my next step was going to be buying my own equipment and setting up a studio so that I could start selling my work.

Then for reasons I won’t go into here, I had to quit making the beads. I was devastated, and quit making jewelry all together.

Eventually I realized that I didn’t really want to make and sell jewelry, anyway, and that led me to feel like there was no point in making it at all.

If there is no producing-something-of-value, don’t bother doing it at all? Is that what I really believe?

Is there such a thing as a hobby that produces nothing but is still enjoyable?

Or are those hobbies just not appealing to me, because I’m wired to create things?

Pattern #3 – Practicing and pushing

Driving to the hiking trail the other day, I saw a father and son in a grassy area.

They had set up six or seven orange traffic cones in a line, and the boy was kicking a soccer ball while weaving between the cones.

Then I noticed that the father had a stop watch, and was timing his son as he practiced the drills.

Seeing that made me feel incredibly sad. Even writing about it now, I kind of want to cry.

Just that one little scene triggered so much stuff.

My stuff around competition and sports and needing to push myself to get better at whatever I was doing. From a very early age. And my stuff around winning and losing.

They turned “going out and kicking a ball around” into “objectively evaluating performance.”

Pattern #4 – The knitting

As I’ve mentioned before, I picked up my knitting again and am working on finishing that scarf I started five long years ago.

Knitting is a bit of a weird hobby for me because I feel like I need to be doing something else while I knit. Watch TV or listen to a podcast or something.

But I’ve been wondering if I’m really enjoying it, or if it’s turned into a Thing to Produce.

If I’m doing a “fun” activity that doesn’t absorb my full attention, does it count as fun? Does it provide the replenishment I’m looking for?

All of which leads me to…

I’m very aware that I need to learn how to replenish myself

I’ve started working on a pretty big thing. A big, scary thing that I want to do but oh it’s so scary.

(Which ties in nicely with Eileen’s post where she talks about the contradiction of wanting and not wanting to do things.)

And maybe because it’s big and scary, after I’ve worked on it for a while, I’m completely drained.

Empty drained.

Can’t even hang out on Twitter drained.

And it’s been happening a lot lately. Which is part of what led me to being more dedicated to getting out of the house to go for a hike. And more dedicated to spending some time knitting every night.

I’m also spending more time doing Dance of Shiva (yep, aff link) and practicing the techniques I’m learning from Hiro.

Yet I’m continuing to have trouble recovering from feeling drained. So I’ll keep working on it.

But here are the real questions:

Have I ever done any activity, ever, without looking at it in terms of accomplishment and production?

Is my tendency to look at hobbies or “fun” in those terms part of why I’m feeling so drained and having a hard time recharging my batteries?

Or is this just the nature of the true creative process, and it’s only now that I’ve begun to use the full extent of my creative energy?

I don’t think it’s inherently a negative to find pleasure in creating or producing something. (That’s sort of what art is all about, right?) There’s also nothing wrong with wanting to improve our skills at something.

But where is the line between enjoying it and turning it into a mountain that needs to be climbed or a game that needs to be won?

Today’s comment zen:

This was me sharing my thought process. A process that has not reached conclusion, yet. I want to hear what you think about your patterns around creativity and fun. Can you relate to what I’ve shared?

But please be very gentle with these thoughts and questions o’ mine. Let’s definitely keep this a should-free zone.

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